End of November...
8:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Maybe it’s been some two months I
was not writing anything here. No one questioned anything though but I felt
that it’s my responsibility to explain things a bit more elaborately. I was
busy. That’s true. But moreover I was sad. Felt numb for quite sometimes. Listening
to my inner self. Not feeling any itch in my fingers to write. My eardrums were
sore with the noises of silence. The long never ending silence and finally
today I broke it with my battle cry.
The day after, the day after tomorrow
is the beginning of my semester exams. Am I prepared for it? No. am I expecting
a good result out of it? I don’t know. Why not I’m preparing now then? Simply because
I’m moody. What happened to my mood? It died….. Who killed it? No one did. It killed
itself. Because it’s better to blame myself than to countless others. I don’t need
to blame anyone. I’m thankful for everything they did to me. I grew stronger. Am
I mad? Perhaps.
What I did for these days? Did nothing
basically. Worked hard for my project and achieved a great success and provided
marks to some freeloaders who did absolutely nothing in it as usually. But then
again I am a team player in my professional life that’s why I have to say to
countless people that WE are doing this and WE are doing that. But basically it
all happened a one man show. People will understand.
I saw one mobile phone which I can’t
buy. I felt some feelings which I can’t express. I felt the urge to do things
which I can’t do. I tried to do things which didn’t succeeded. Wanted to
impress someone who is hard to please. Wanted to get some air, and I got
choked. Some good things happened to me but the time was short and some bad
things happened to me whose scars are not going away. I never stopped though
but I am a bit tired. Do I need support? No I don’t. Thank you. do I need
someone. Yes indeed but not to show some sympathy but to walk besides me. I’m
in a race. Maybe a race so long that it preaches neverendingness into my ears.
Some people got married. Some people
got carried. Some things were moved. Some things were replaced. But I stayed
eternal as a ghost of the living dead. As the remnant of some ancient time. I am
not changed and I will not be. Change is the truth. Changing is not. Change
happens. I changed a lot but it’s a slow process. I’m not a robot. I can’t be
one.
I got the job. Some money is
assured. I became good to some people suddenly just because of it. I lost some
people because of it. Some enemy grows. Some friends turned their back. Many people
disappointed me. Many people did bad. But still I am alive, stronger than ever
before. Walking towards the darkness, to become darkness.
I neither wanted any good for me
nor I ever expected any. I tried to make people happy. That was my only dream. But
people are hard to please. I am poor. I look old. I became erratic, almost
bald. I am moody, I am not George Clooney. I am not a gangster, nor I am a
hunk, to you I am just a piece of junk. My paragraph might sound a little
lyrical but it’s hysterical because I am getting mental.
They say I am not happy. Yes. It’s
true. They say I talk dirty. Yes it’s true. Truth is raw. Raw is smelly. With everyone
I don’t get jelly. Life is not fair, that’s said by all. I haven’t seen a bit
of it that my luck. Do I have a hope? No not anything left.
Have you enjoyed my post? I don’t
give a shit.
