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Wednesday - 29 / 08 / 2012 – August

10:07 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

The morning started with a bang. Thought I slept too much today. Woke up at 11 am. After that a friend of mine in FB started quarrelling with me. I don’t know what is her problem with me but she always quarrel with me it’s like whenever she sees me or views my perspectives she gets burnt in acid. I don’t know the point to keep me in friend list. But thanks to god after much heated discussion with a trial of ending this in a soft manner from my side, she blocked me. At least she proved that she is an escapist and that’s a big relief for me.

Got a very rude and unexpected reply from my new best friend. I don’t know why but it seems she gets enjoyed by hurting me every time. Maybe its too my luck is to become an amusement for someone by getting my own heart break.

Life Friendship and Everything in Between..

10:02 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

As I told before it was my new best friend’s birthday yesterday and when I called I get a very mixed response, first it sounded rude, second time when I called it was good, I thought that our chemistry is finally working but later when I heard that its really actually working I was in cloud 9 but then again I was aware of my luck, I knew something is wrong. And for that I was cautious. And later I found that really there is something fishy. Anyways let’s see what happens but she tends to be always rude to me. I like her because of her clear heart and mind. But maybe she hates me to some extent and doesn’t want me in her life.

Never the less the total day went boring again. Tried to study but couldn't concentrate. Tried to watch some news and parliamentary debates seemed very hilarious and unfruitful to me. I mean I didn’t understood so far that why they quarrel there? They are supposed to be doing the betterment of the country and yet they are only fighting there with each other even at the personal level. Just attacking each other won’t be going to solve the severe problems of this vast country, yet they quarrel inside of the house and kill each other outside. This is heinous politics. Almost 70 years ago British predicted this future about India and 65 years later we prove then totally right. Law and order have been destroyed here. People are not safe. The country is not safe. Newspapers have become the lost & found directory. Is this the freedom we wanted?

And to tell about the newspaper they have become the gossip bulletins now a day because they sprinkle too much spice over normal news to make it attractive. Writers’ editors use spicy adjectives adverbs to the content to make their paper sales high. TV news channels worry about their TRP. Exciting debated takes place. This is good and in between it people are getting someone else’s view so much that they are losing their own view. I don’t think that 5 people can make some problem’s solution; neither can they give a conclusion to this. Especially when the problem is of public’s.

Still my laptop’s problem is not solved and I am very much unpleased about it. I am not getting touch of my friends. Calling everyone, giving miss calls frequently from days but none of them are replying to me. And I am feeling very disgusted about it. I know everyone is busy in their life and with their loved ones, but don’t I have some value in their heart? After all these friendship and all that I have done for them, what I get? Just a little show off type friendship?

Yeah I know they are all selfish. Selfish to the extremes even the one who claims to be unselfish is a selfish one. That’s why they don’t remember me in their happy times and the times when I needed them. They remember me when only then need me and perhaps this is my purpose of being in this world, to serve other’s purpose. Maybe there is a very scarcity of help in the world.so god made me to help. To help all who knows me. But maybe even god didn’t aware of this thing that I can too have my own perspective and I can too deny the fact to be a slave to others. I can too choose my own path to lead and I am doing it.

I chose not to be used by other and yet I end up doing things for them. Maybe it’s in the nature of mine to fall. That doesn’t mean that I am a weak character.it means I value the opposite person more than myself. And this is where my fault lies. i give more value to people and they end up thinking myself a cheap person. I have to break this dogma. I have to let them feel my importance. But the thing is they have many people to fill their gaps as they never valued me much and they can fulfil their work by anyone they can have. So they probably never gonna feel the absence of me, and by that I can say that they never valued my presence in their life. When it’s very easy to cut off someone from your life then it is evident that you never valued that person and this is where my sadness lied that after doing so much for anyone no one values me.

People says me that GO AWAY..so easily. I can’t do that to anyone. Because I value everyone and I respect everyone’s soul. So by my situation should I start to believe that the time has changed for the good guys? There is no need of a good guy? Because people like me always suffer. It’s like good people always suffer but the reverse is not correct. It doesn’t mean that a suffering person have to be a good person.

Many people pretend that they are good person as they are suffering I simply hate this kind of attitude and thinking.it like they are mocking us, the good guys, the really suffered person. Suffered from other peoples. It’s because we can’t always do bad to bad people and we can only end up forgiving them. but we sheldom forget the things and we repent eternally.

Is that a life you chose for the good kind and soft people god??
Who will give the answer? Because god is a mute person..

Living on a Borrowed Life...

10:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

When the question of sense and sensibility comes along? Last night had a talk with my best friend, whom I loved actually, but she realized love of someone else and I realised that the damage has been made already. She has already chosen a suitor for herself and she doesn’t not need me. I am just a friend now. A petty one actually because for her every need and love she has one, she has one to miss, she has someone who misses her back and probably more than her expectations.

It feels like that I amount a loaned amount of happiness now. Loaned, snatched, stolen time of others, which they are throwing to me, maybe out of utter sympathy. Every time I feel like I am having someone other’s girlfriend’s time. There is no time for me. No closeness for me. It’s just that they are giving and whatever they are throwing at me I should be smiling when taking that and thanking then eternally.

Where is the courtesy here? Where is commitment for me? No one is for me. I am only for myself. I can only get happy with myself and for myself. No one is happy for me. No one needs me. It’s just an utter disgusting situation for me. But I know that someday I will have it all. I will have all the things in the world.

Today is actually the birthday of a very special person, my new friend, whom I liked very much now a day. I fell for her and though she refused me many times, she is a good friend of mine from my side at least. Though she never gave me permission to call, she didn’t permitted to send sms /call to make at 12 midnight yesterday, but she did gave me a onetime call permission for today and I am goanna use it to make a surprise call. Let’s see she likes my voice or not. But I will call her in a time when she will not expect me to be. It would be fun I guess. But again I think that she has many friends, she must be having a party, and she doesn’t want to accept calls from me, will she talk to me that day? I am having my fingers crossed..

The day is very boring. Just testing the new laptop’s unit for further battery issues.it seems to give me only 4 hours of backup in standard working conditions and here I am promised to have 8+ hours of battery. Called to several HP places and like government organizations they are forwarding me from a place to another. So sick of this poor customer support and I am worried that what will happen when I have to suffer this for more 3 years coming? Will there be an escape of it? God’s merciless perhaps..

I was called by local SMU, DE center for change of books they gave me. The syllabus has been modified, thought the subjects remained the same the contents have been changed and it became huge also. More study for me. I found that the quality of books is also upgraded and I got this for free. It felt nice. But also I’m scared of the syllabus because in these days I already covered 10% of the course. I have to study it all once again.

Today is the scheduled day from the buyers side where I was about to sell my old laptop. The shop called me yesterday and confirmed me today’s date. So I am feeling a little sad about it. That laptop was my first laptop it has some attachment with me, some very special attachments I have shared with it. It will be a loss to loose such companion but as the time goes by and thanks to my bad luck one after one mishaps took place within 2.5 years with this laptop and now it became totally unpredictable to use. I cant depend on a device now which can become unresponsive anytime. That’s why I took the initiative to change it. Because I need a performance machine now. On which I can depend. But as my luck goes I got another bad machine. I think of sometimes what wrong I have done in my last birth?

New Laptop, Same Life..

10:05 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

Yeah folks this is me, your host at the one stop place for all the gibberish of life which can ever be possible to share with. So how am I doing these days? Well the good news are that I have lost almost 9kg of weight and also I bought an Ultrabook made by HP. though It cost me a fortune, 61133 INR to be exact, but seeing its specifications it totally worth it. It has 3rd generation core i5 with turbo boost, 4gb ddr3 1600mhz ram, 500 gb sata hdd, 32 gb ssd, full aluminium body, multi touch keypad, hd webcam, 64 bit window 7 home basic, 2 usb3 ports,1 usb2 port.14” LED HD display, 1year full ADP + 3 years warranty and all other goodies. For the only four striking feature I paid this kind of premium amount is 32gb ssd , 3years warranty, 1 year ADP and 8+ hours of battery life.

The bad news however are that I had to sell my beloved Nokia x3-02, my first super 3g smarter phone, as handling 3 phones has become gruesome for me. I caught some chronic stomach problems, for what I really don’t know as maybe I am in bad luck with my stomach almost all times, as written in my horoscope, but this kind of chronic disease?? This seems impossible.  And the peculiarity of my luck has again proved me that no matter what I do my luck will always stay bad for me. As of with the case of laptop, I saw that while opening at the box the f1 key fall off right now, the problem is that I saw this just after I completed my registration for the extended warranty, which was an offer running now with this Ultrabook and some other HP models. Also the space button of this unit is not working properly. 

When buying the laptop it is promised to me that it will have the 8 hours+ battery life,  it is also written in the promo broacher and for this I bought this laptop, now from the day 1 I am getting 4 hours of battery life under normal usage and that’s too under HP’s proprietary POWER SAVER plan. I even completed the 3 total charging discharging cycle and even I am getting this 4 hours of battery life.

This is very irritating. I demanded to change the unit at the spot but they said that the keyboard will be replaced and that’s too using my precious ADP. After much pain and hurdle and a prolonged chat of 2 hours with HP customer care it was finally said by them that the unit will be replaced and all my warranty will stay intact. Let’s hope for the good as I am not very sure about what they will do, as I stopped trusting HP after the mishap of my 1st laptop. Now a day we can’t trust anyone.  The people who are pretending to be the closest one are the most dangerous.

Currently my situation is that I bought a very costly ultra-modern powerful premium laptop with huge money and I can’t show it to anyone or tell about it as when they will come to see all they can see a faulty laptop and some might think of this unit as a fake or stolen unit from docs. The battery performance of this laptop is too bad. Even when I am using it with fully dimmed display with Wi-Fi sound off, running in HP optimised mode and writing this blog in MS Word 2012 I am getting the estimated backup time of 3 hours 18 minute at 84% of battery. This is too frustration because for I have paid for is the battery life.

And as of the warranty part I have to go through lots of trouble to find about the entire warranty, ADP, DOA and all other dos don’ts and my rights for what I have paid for. I have to scan internet to get that. and later I talked to several HP guys through different medium. The most striking feature about the HP customer care is that it SUCKS. It sucks for India. I called and they just took my name and number without hearing my problem they told me that they will call me after 2 hours and after more than 48 hours till now, NO ONE HAS CALLED YET. I am very much angry about it right now.

All other problems remained the same with me. My luck, my loneliness, my work my study and all my worries woes sorrows sadness remained the same. I am still worried about my life I am leading right now. It’s so hollow. No matter how much u stuff your life with work or gadgets or anything it stays hollow unless you have someone with you, someone who is just for you. There are many people telling me about the goodness of being single and the problems of being in relationship but to all I just want to say 1 thing that I have been to relationship, twice and I am single now, I know all the ups and downs and all the things. I am not sure about all of them out there, but I am sure about myself that I need someone at my side always just to hold me up in times, just to listen to me and my gibberish for sometimes.

And I guess god has forgotten about writing this part in my luck…..

Calibrating with Life..

8:47 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

I don’t know whether I will get admission into my fulltime master’s course or not, I quit my gym to be prepared to take on two master’s degree courses at the same time. MBA (part time) and MCA (full time) as these are very much important me to have. I have lots of future plans of degrees. Will do them all step by step. As of now these two degrees will give me higher posts I think. But also I have to make myself worth for it. Many people are now ahead of me, some have no calibre but still they are ahead of me, sometimes I think myself that who am I to judge their calibre when they are much ahead than me?

No as of now I am a no one. I just can write my gibberish in my website as it is owned by me no one is going to complain about it. One more thing people are complaining these days about my movie reviews, funny but it’s true that they don’t like much of my reviews so they are protesting about it.  I guess I have to make a group about it and post and then again I will get limited audience, I can post them on my site but again my site is a blog site not a a microblog site. I can post them only on twitter but again no one seems to have any interest in it. Have to do some serious work on that.

Now a days I am using office 2010, I have used it earlier, it’s such a memory consumer. Kingsoft office is good but the free version nags very much, its irritating. All other free office suits are good 7 efficient but from the usability’s side kingsoft’s is very near to MS experience.

Its been months since I quit Facebook, just chatting there through mobile with only some persons who talk back to me. For all other I left the fb. Just post some statutes and I stop caring about the replies. Sometimes I get online from pc and untag myself for shitty pictures of shitty people. Even I warned everyone not to tag me in pictures, they continue to do so. So I give final warning and untag myself. God, I don’t understand why people tag others so unnecessarily? Tagging is such a menace in fb.

As of the personal life and in the answer of the most famous question asked to any human being by other, “hows your life going?” I can say that its still messy, though I stopped care about many people as they stopped much ago, I am living in boredome and peace. Ya I like some persons and as a predefined rule of thumb they don’t like me either. Started to thinking about someone and they told me to stop. Ha ha ha. Actually being a selfish animal ourselves we always long for our satisfaction. We try to satisfy ourselves and that’s why clash of mentality happens as opposed to them I try to satisfy others, specially my dear ones, the people I value or I should say I used to value. I got the ultimate theory. There is no one for me, but I will not stop chasing. Because again god doesn’t help those who stop helping themselves.

My new smartphone is going superfine, though I am thinking about buying some windows phone also, as I think it could be the next big thing when combined with windows 8 desktop OS. Apple’s domination could be ended if only MS works seriously. Lets see what happen next. Meanwhile I am finding some cost effective solutions for my power computation needs. MS surface is not yet available in my city, I cant get out of my city for more 3 years, and I need a solution NOW. Its time for again jump into the action, have to research more.

Maybe this is the way I can supress my feelings, I have to keep myself busy..

Pray for me.

bye

Tainted Teardrops Crying For Names...

11:17 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

The story of every teardrop is same; it all starts when we remember someone or something close to our heart, regardless of their distance, both physically and mentally. We may cry for the moments, or we cry for the completeness which was brought by them or that. When we shed tears, every drop cries their name(s).

But sometimes our life becomes a broken jigsaw puzzle with many pieces. As harry potter movies goes it’s like the Horcrux. They became part of our life. And no matter what we try to do to forget them we simply cant. It always comes back haunting us. When we shed tears its not always for any one person or thing, it maybe for all, all who have hurt us, broke us into pieces.

Why we get broken? Because we trust them, and let them do it. When we give someone authority to break us, they do the exact same thing. We expect them to hold our trust but sometimes by fate, they cant. Then we get hurt. The only visible solution is to stop expecting and then again it could lead us to become zombies, unfit for the society.

So this society breaks us and then expects us to dance in joy and act normal when it’s too difficult. No one has any time to listen and the one who has will charge $100 / per hour. The main problem with today’s world is that people have no time to actually listen to you. Ya anyone can think that in today’s utterly interconnected social networks which are so deeply embossed in our life can be a way but as we humans tends to always abuse things, these so called social platforms became the place of criminal activities and dating places.

So you see it’s of no use. Then what we can do to make ourselves less vulnerable? The answer is we can’t. It’s just we should always go with the time, we should not try to forget things because the more we do we remember the things. We should start new activities and always should have the hunger for more and fresh. It’s never late to start from the grounds. It’s never late for another round. We should always give chances to others. There is a scarcity of people who gives chances to others. If we don’t give chances we can’t be sure of the things they are about to offer.

Mean people will always try to hold you back, as the same things are done by the old. We should not forget the old as it can give us the experience and the power of fault tolerance for the future but then again we should not let it hold us back, we should always look forward for new.

Yes, sure we don’t know what new things will give us, more pain or a little happiness but what’s the stake here anyways? Another failure? Then look it this way that it can be another pillar for your future success. Or maybe another experience for your future life, another teaching, which will give you the ability to differentiate between bad & worst.

Ya when we cry, we cry blood, our teardrops get tainted and no one ever values them. No matter how close they are, they could never feel your sorrow, because they are not there when you are getting hurt for no reason, unless they come to your shoes they will never learn about the agony of yours, they always will give you sympathy and sometimes a little help, which ultimately of no use.

Positivity is the only way, though being a fully negative person I don’t hold any expectations now to others. I am learning to control myself. I should control myself because without the proper barrier others will use me as the river to wash their dirty hands. I hate to be used. People call me rude. But I made it. I don’t use anyone, I don’t let anyone use me. If To standup for a cause is a rude thing, then I am very rude.

I don’t oil people so no one comes to oil me and that’s why maybe I am lonely. They say I can’t mix with all. Yes I can’t. Because I don’t need to. I don’t need more bad people in my life so I shortlist at first, but still I can’t escape the fate, which is literally full of shit, so I get shitty people, but luckily either they leave me or I leave them. I move forward. Ya I remember some people who were close to me, probably made a place in my heart. Maybe till now you have started asking yourself that how much square foot of place this brat has in his heart, should start making apartments there, ha ha ha ha sorry guys but the land is private property here, no trespassing. Ha ha. Only allowed people are invited and then kicked off from this land. It’s like a hard disk. No matter how you format partition and repartition, some amount of old data still resides in there. Isn’t it?

Think about it….

bye
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