Living on a Borrowed Life...
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When the question of sense and sensibility comes along? Last
night had a talk with my best friend, whom I loved actually, but she realized
love of someone else and I realised that the damage has been made already. She
has already chosen a suitor for herself and she doesn’t not need me. I am just
a friend now. A petty one actually because for her every need and love she has
one, she has one to miss, she has someone who misses her back and probably more
than her expectations.
It feels like that I amount a loaned amount of happiness
now. Loaned, snatched, stolen time of others, which they are throwing to me,
maybe out of utter sympathy. Every time I feel like I am having someone other’s
girlfriend’s time. There is no time for me. No closeness for me. It’s just that
they are giving and whatever they are throwing at me I should be smiling when
taking that and thanking then eternally.
Where is the courtesy here? Where is commitment for me? No
one is for me. I am only for myself. I can only get happy with myself and for
myself. No one is happy for me. No one needs me. It’s just an utter disgusting
situation for me. But I know that someday I will have it all. I will have all
the things in the world.
Today is actually the birthday of a very special person, my
new friend, whom I liked very much now a day. I fell for her and though she
refused me many times, she is a good friend of mine from my side at least. Though
she never gave me permission to call, she didn’t permitted to send sms /call to
make at 12 midnight yesterday, but she did gave me a onetime call permission
for today and I am goanna use it to make a surprise call. Let’s see she likes
my voice or not. But I will call her in a time when she will not expect me to
be. It would be fun I guess. But again I think that she has many friends, she
must be having a party, and she doesn’t want to accept calls from me, will she
talk to me that day? I am having my fingers crossed..
The day is very boring. Just testing the new laptop’s unit
for further battery issues.it seems to give me only 4 hours of backup in
standard working conditions and here I am promised to have 8+ hours of battery.
Called to several HP places and like government organizations they are
forwarding me from a place to another. So sick of this poor customer support
and I am worried that what will happen when I have to suffer this for more 3
years coming? Will there be an escape of it? God’s merciless perhaps..
I was called by local SMU, DE center for change of books
they gave me. The syllabus has been modified, thought the subjects remained the
same the contents have been changed and it became huge also. More study for me.
I found that the quality of books is also upgraded and I got this for free. It
felt nice. But also I’m scared of the syllabus because in these days I already
covered 10% of the course. I have to study it all once again.
Today is the scheduled day from the buyers side where I was
about to sell my old laptop. The shop called me yesterday and confirmed me
today’s date. So I am feeling a little sad about it. That laptop was my first
laptop it has some attachment with me, some very special attachments I have
shared with it. It will be a loss to loose such companion but as the time goes
by and thanks to my bad luck one after one mishaps took place within 2.5 years
with this laptop and now it became totally unpredictable to use. I cant depend
on a device now which can become unresponsive anytime. That’s why I took the
initiative to change it. Because I need a performance machine now. On which I
can depend. But as my luck goes I got another bad machine. I think of sometimes
what wrong I have done in my last birth?
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