My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

Today is the day thirteenth.and it is Saturday too.training was cancelled asno one is present to atteind the class.done my breakfast with roti sabji but I havnt got the pressure to go to toilet.well that’s a very bad part for me.clear bowel is the best thing to start a day.there are moments when I started to think AM I NORMAL ?that kind of a moment just arrived.today I should take my lunch at outside.becuase I just only paid to get lunch for 4 days in week.i shouldn’t cross my boundary.a hair just fell of my skull and it is half white and half black.i am very much worried about my coming baldness.birds are chirping very much just in front of my window.it seems everyone is qwerreling.dogs birds cats frigs and even the mosquitoes and flies.whats wrong about this place ??? ha ha ha.it seems funny.
its 12 I should go to find lunch but again I m feeling too lazy for it.maybe I can manage with biscuits I have.i also have to do the financial calculations about my current cash-at-hand.without the updated status I cant do anything.i cant do anything for anything… I done that and found that I al low on cash, I have to be more cautious about spending it.i don’t want to beg for more money as I know that my family can provide me by sacrificing thei rown essential needs and I don’t want it.NO ,NEVER..
its all fate.i love my sona.bt she don’t loves me.what its called?fate…ha ha ha.just fate.we are just puppets.he is the master.sometimes I just levae all hope, sometimes I hope against hope.maybe I am mad.but I am mad for her.maybe sometimes she would realize that.the time may come today tomorrow or in coming future.but sometimes I believe that IT WILL COME ONE DAY.
hey lucky me! Lunch has been provided by them, Though basic but it’s a life saver (and effort saver) for me.ha ha ha.at afternoon mom called we talked about half an hour.then krishnendu da called.we talked for half an hour too.but I wonder in these days why don’t surojit da and sobhan da called me yet.no contact from their side.but anyways subhojyoti da & subham da always kept contact with me.i feel more alone when I do facebook.sometimes I think of quitting from it.there maybe 1000+ friends I have in there but I don’t have any real good friends there.no one cares for me.and that is the thing which hurts the most.i don’t do friendship by getting biased by gender.but people do.and this feels bad.
one thing is sure that my life here is more dynamic than Asansol.even inn this place like joka-thakurpukur area my life is dynamic. I am even in my room and seldom leave it.i do the same in my room of Asansol too but I was so bored out there that month passed there without writing a single word in my blog.and here I am writing almost a page every day J or maybe I become too busy in Asansol by doing nothing that’s why my blog stays empty for most of time.anyways I decided here to dedicate some time here for my blog, body & meditation to calm my inner-self which is restless.
the day thirteenth went on good.it was nt at all bad which I thought it to be.missing my fast broadband very very much.
at night I watched two movies back to back “observe and report” & “the crazies” while doing my dinner which was good with rumali roti & chana masala and alu-bhindi fry & pickles.enjoyed every bit of it.i m getting fatter by these good foods and totally lazy days which I am spending just doing nothing & sleeping.after that mom called we talked much.then saikat da called me we talked more than hour.ha ha ha.i really enjoyed talking to him and I am sure he also felt the same way.at late night I called most dearest person to me and we talked about twenty minutes then sleep gets me and I slept, maybe like a baby with complete peace.

Fed up with continuous raining.the rain seems never ending.whole day I spent just feeling lazy.this kind of rainy weather just kills the whole day.anyways I studied much but I was tired of it.done many programmings and yet again I felt tired and finally when I started to sleep I was tired of it too.what the hell ,the dog of my host is shitting & urinating in other rooms of ground floor, where I live.i don’t know why they don’t control their dog.anyways I am just a guest for a month I will not say anything until it affects me personally.ya the smells coming from other rooms are irritating but I closed the doors, and after that it dont bothers me again.i thought of many thing but I didn’t wrote anything in my blog because all those things seems to be baseless now.
is it not unusual that I didn’t seen any dream since when I reached Kolkata?the last dream I saw is about one of my old friend and I saw it in my house.but I am just missing my dreams.its like someone just have stolen them.
dinner was quite good with khichri ,fried battered chicken and potato fry.i enjoyed the chicken fry the most. Today I planned to search for the whole area for a good moglai shop.but this rain didn’t let me do that.
at night raj called me and told me that dumdum was very much affected by heavy raining and tollygaung is also, metro service is stopped and the other teams livings in there didn’t get the food for this reason so they will leave for their house in Asansol tomorrow morning, so the class will be cancelled.i told him to inform this to the teacher.
electricity is very continuous here, loadshedding often happens, but it happened tonight, for almost two hours.at night, raining outside, trees are moving with the wind and this darkness.fear comes instantly.actually fear of darkness is the most primal fear for a human...lets see i can sleep or not.wish me luck.

Woke up.now writing in my blog.i wish if I could get a nice cup of coffee from barista.the weather is cool and pleasant.updating my laptop with updates. syncing my phone .feeling lazy.the weather is making me lazy. Today is the birthday of my father’s elder sister’s son.happy birthday subho J .they are having a huge party at Asansol and I am here in Kolkata eating bad food.
Real problem starts with the breakfast itself.it was very plain for me.i dnt like such plain roti sabji like breakfast.and again after some lazy hours I got lunch which is again very very boring its dal sabji lauki fry & alu bhendi fry.i hate that too.and at night I got same as lunch only alu0bhendi fry was not present there.onlt dal sabji & lauki fry.what the hell.i didn’t ate much at night as I don’t take such food which has no taste at all.throyghout the day I have done nothing.and at night couldn’t sleep because of the barking of local stray dogs just besides my room’s wall.
at evening I planned to clean my bed and then go to local market for some food, but my host called me to solve some of their computer problems.i couldn’t say no.as this is not in my nature.i went on there and tried to solve and till 10 I am solving their numerous problems, and teaching them new ways to use internet.they told me that they are not getting good movies, music videos etc etc.i told them the best possible way for them.again they told me that they don’t get tower signal in their tata photon plus modem.i told them that this is because of thick walls.i tested the modem on my laptop getting outside of the room, into the lawn and showed them.and I also told them that this is the same problem with my mts mblaze modem.i thought of spending the time by studying.i don’t know what will happen tomorrow.so its better to be prepared.
everyday I write my blogs.but very few people actually read them.why?i don’t know.dont I have any value to you guys?dnt u have any curiosity to know me? I thought that I am a complicated man and that’s why I started on writing myself.to let the people know me a little better but I don’t get any responses.and that’s the thing which hurts the most.at night when my mom called me I told her about the bad food and she told me why didn’t I denied to take the food.she is unable to understand that if I told them so they will not provide anything better at that time of night.she gets angry and cut the phone.and I couldn’t talk to my girl as she is not feeling good.i was tiored too so I started to sleep but sometimes later I found that I couldn’t sleep because of the dogs bark.uff that’s horrible.
in the previous class the faculty at cmc told me that there will be teams and in that team we have to work out a project thrown to us.and I am waiting for the time when they (all loosers) will realize my need and I will refuse them all.maybe after that they will respect me.

Today is a very busy day for me.i woke up at 6am.and soon I started working.this is the first day where I have to go to my class at park street all by myself.i completed all works within 8:15.took my breakfast.then boarded on bus at 8:30 sharp.but the problem is that the bus ran at a snail speed and I reached metro station of tollyguang (mahanayok uttam kumar) at 9:30.took metro and reached my class at 10:05am.but thankfully sir was not there.he came at around 10:20am.class went on and then our practical.as I forgot previous day to charge my laptop.i saw that only 39% charge is remaining.then I started working on 6 projects very very rapidly.but I couldn’t finished last two as my battery ran out of charge.i was sitting idle.then I started working on jalal & nivedita’s pc.they don’t know anything.they rnt doing anything.and I thought that if I don’t do anything I will not get a chance to work out my last 2 programms.so I started helping them.and at last I got to do the last 2 programs. I was happy.and in my returning way I entered Vodafone store of park street.saw many nice phones including galaxy tab.but galaxy failed to impress me except its larg screen I found nothing special in it.i recharged Vodafone net.and now I am able to do internet from my room but the only problems is of very slow speed.at evening 6:15 I met my dearest friend, the only person in the world whom I love more than myself.it was a very happy time.very very happy time for me being with her.time spent like a quick storm.and soon the time came when we have to be departed.then I started to look into behala chowrasta bazaar for food.and then I took a chicken roll.the shopkeeper is a cheat.then I took a moglai, well my regular readers know how much I love moglai.but suddenly I started to feel the same irritation in my right eye.and it increased like a wildfire.i reached my room almost looking like a crying baby. luckily I brought my eye drops.i applied them.but they didn’t helped.t night my parents called me.they tld me to move into the AC rooms.but I declined. because I love my freedom more than my pleasure.and the freedom I am getting in my non-ac room is awesome.after the dinner with roti & chicken kasa I went of sleeping after talking to my girl..

I woke up at 7am.then I brushed my teeth.cleaned my bed.cleaned other things.cleaned the mosquito coil ash.cleaned my room a little bit.then after the chanting of hanuman chalisa & gayatri mantra my host gave me my breakfast.after breakfast I went to toilet.after that I am just writing blog post for my site.my parents told me that they would call me at morning 8am.but they didn’t.well its good for me because if they call at 9 ,I can talk good.
I need a good broom here and a stick broom in toilet to clean both of them.without cleaning both will become filthy and you guys know how much I hate filthy places.a dog is sniffing the lawn.and now he sat in a place and seems dizzy.ha ha ha.its a fun to look at them this time.
Everything else goes smoothly. And I found very less time to write anything here or do anything.i don’t know how I passed the whole day but I hardly found any time to study or to see movies even I forgot to charge my laptop.

Today is the last day for me to being with my parents.they will go to Asansol today at 3pm.i am feeling bad for this.i will become alone.the last hour packaging is going on.maybe its my luck to stay hungry all the time.when I was in Asansol, I was craving to go to kolkatat and now I dnt want to be lonely.but what could I do?well the breakfast is good with poori & sabji & frozen mango cubes.i am not feeling very well.seriously.i never stayed physically alone.now this time I don’t know what I will do.maybe its my mind which is playing with me.
done bathing.lunch was very good with jeera polao & butter chicken.awesome.i know ,no one would believe me except my true friends that I don’t lie.i don’t know what lies in future but as of now it is good.at 3:45 pm I walked my parents to their car which my own uncle brought from Asansol.actually it was an ambulance on which my uncle brought his mother in law to admit in kolkata Apollo.on their return way my uncle thought that it would be good to pick up his elder brother & his family.and here I get relieved that they will reach Asansol safely.what to tell I m really alone here now.i am on my own.all these years I have been alone mentally now both mentally & physically.lets see how I can handle and what time throws at me.my paid host is now registering their address at justdial service.nice service but the cost is very high.about (3309+500x12) 9309rs per year.thats very pricey.my host called me to just discuss the matter for this now.
at the end of the afternoon I lit up mosquito coil and closed all the doors to seal the room, and off the ceiling fan to make more gas, now as the room is sealed mosquitoes has nowhere to go and they should die.but this trick is also seems to be failing as I get more and more mosquitoes.
at evening I watched 2 movies and then after taking dinner my parents called me.talked about 26 minutes and then my girlfriend called me and we also talked for half an hour then I slept closing the doors, only leaving the door to the next room open.bt the problem I faced is of light.the night bulb of my room is too bright.and I have to leave the door to the next room open at night for air flow & to go to bathroom but the next room has a high power (100w) light.now if I leve that one on whole night then excessive electric bill would be generated.if I don’t then I have to stay in complete dark.now staying in a complete darkness is not my habit.i can stay but I can’t sleep. I cannot sleep in complete silence also.anyways I left the big light on whole night tomorrow will talk about it with my paid host.

I woke up earlier today at 5:15am.severly bitten by mosquitoes as the night before we kept open the main door for hours because its very hot in the room.again at mid night I had to apply odomos.but even that couldn’t save me.the main problem of life is my parents.as of my bad luck I didn’t got good parents.their outlook is so narrow. Sometimes I feel ashamed, sometimes guilty because of them. L . they kept me as a baby fed boy.i am an adult.i have a right to live freely.and I will live freely no matter if I have to oppose my parents.but my will be done.yesterday I updated my blog.i know no one gonna read this though I post.though I keep updating my blog.because this is something for I created this.this is my dudty to share.blogging is my passion.blogging is nessesity for me.because I dnt have any chatterbox to listen to my gibberish.i dnt have a group to share thoughts.i am on my own.i am alone.its morning, 7:02am.feeling like I have been awake since the last Armageddon.even the dogs outside my room are sleeping.ha ha ha.its really amusing to see them feeling dizzy and taking a nap.yeah maybe I am crazy, and a little fucked up right now but this is me who made me.thats why I m proud of myself, well sometimes, for sure.
I don’t know why people call someone mad where they themselves are mad enough to be admitted in a mental hospital.maybe it’s because a mad always seeks madness and can identify mad persons better. I need to have a good potty very much right now but I havnt felt any pressure yet.
I don’t know why people always look for the exterior beauty.why they didn’t understand the golden heart inside?i felt a golden heart why people want me to forget it or leave it?i cant and I WONT.again from today I have to see those looser’s face.till now I was feeling very good.because I dnt have to endure them.i just hate them.i know that hatred is a crime but for them?no I am doing mercy.one more thing I would like to share that there is white energy flowing.when in the hell hole of sealdaha I told god to get me out of this filthy place.i cant bear it here anymore.there was  a church in front of my window.maybe god listened.god has many forms.many names.maybe this time its lord Jesus who listened to my cry.and gave me the address of this place.this place is surprisingly also a house of  a Christian and absolutely to my satisfaction.how this happened I don’t know.but this happened.and this maybe a co-incidence. But this much?? I dnt think so.anyways I always believed in white energy.its flowing and will flow continuously.as it kept flowing from the very beginning of everything. Even the creator of the “theory of everything” mr.steven hawking agreed about this.because dark energy is a proven fact now, and if there is a dark energy there MUST be a WHITE energy.and I believe someday it will also be discovered, maybe it is already discovered because our elders written about this in their holy books.anyways This is the energy which kick starts the life in a piece of flesh.we call it aatma. Chinese calls it chi, the life energy.which is a part of a greater energy (paramatma  as we hindu’s call it).when energy flows a small part if it get trapped in to this flesh and thus a life begun and when the flesh dies that trapped energy which is transformed to a powerful one gets released.thus the flow of energy continued.everything is created by white energy and ends by dark energy.so this is written in our elder’s scrolls that the creator is brahma who is unknown.and destroyer is SHIVA who is undefined.and the combined energy of these two is lord bhisnu, protector of the universe.so from one place to another.from one flesh to another energy flows.dark side is always stronger than white side.so who follows the dark side rises fast and gets destroyed fast too.bt flow of energy remains constant.so there comes the believe of rebirth.but there again the question comes.if there is a energy then what is god?well this is much debated topic too and later I will discuss.maybe this is not the very appropriate time.maybe I have a very good blessings on writing.maybe its because when I was a baby in our holy hindu ceremony I picked up pen in place of money or other material.they told my parents that I m gonna be a giood scholar.but when I was a child I grew a knack for pens.i hoped that time that this is for I picked up the pen at my childhood.but still that time I can write good.maybe it’s a rhyme ,maybe it’s a story.but I could.and from here I realized the true cause of picking pen that time.and I don’t see any other cause till now.well future is uncertain till now.now at this morning I dnt have anything to do that why I started writing on my very trusted and beloved laptop.bt if rebirth is a truth then it should also be true that the whole number of people living in the earth is a constant term.people die.people born.simple.isnt it?bt it isn’t.why?then there comes the theory of parrelell earth or dimention.which is restriucted to each other by space-time barrier.but energy flows.and we can also cross dimentions if we know how to bend & mend this energy.our elder can do.we cant.people says that the power of brain is evolving.i say that NO its decreasing.it is proof that the brainpower of our elders were more than us.its like the power & pickup relation of a engine.we maybe fast but our elders were more capable.and the power of brain is actually decresing.tell me then how many people are here who crossed dimentions to see whats in out past and future?time machine is a dreme now but its invented long ago.today we are discussing about TV ,mobile, teleportation but these are already invented in the times of our elders.who taught them?here comes another theory that maybe alien helped them.and these alien becomes our god.god from every culture has similarities.be it greek, Nordic ,roman ,hindu, muslim or Christian.the way they do anything is strongly resembles each other?
this is me again at 1:22pm.doing coding on CMC park street after a huge climbing to the 6^th floor we finally done 2 hours of theory and now I am doing practical.i have done the childish project thrown to me and now I m writing for my blog.the teacher seems good but I have to test his mattel before accepting him as my guru.it is an old indian tradition to check the power of your mentor.swamiji done that to Ramakrishna.everyone acting like an oversmart but as this is war only one person will win the ultimate goal of strong nerve.no one could open the vbsoftware now I have to do the job of the faculty.what a mess.and  every one is calling me and I know that it is temporary when will learn how to fly they will forget that who teach them to fly.this is known as destiny.
after some times lab session ended.me and my father then get out of the building andentered into a hotel.the hotel served us with plain dal sabji rice but costs us triple.no one talked to me yet.even the monideepa & her group was also eating there.my father told me that monideeps’s parents talked to him and told that theyare not living very good in the apartment they got.anyways after that we walked and bought street chow for evening tiffin, as I m habituated to 4 time meal per day.after that I ate mutton momo. Very delicious. besides park street metro station.and then we got into the metro station and there we left 3 trains in hope of getting into AC coach.ha ha ha.but unfortunately that didn’t come.anyways we get on the tyrain and reached home.but in the way sudden raining wet us completely.i just could save the bag which is not fully waterproof and I have a laptop in it.very tensed I was.in home I saw the two keys are broken of my laptop.after much trying I fixed one but second one is completely broke.i become angry and frustrated at the same time and that time I complained about the poor condition of my bag (I have done that in many times in past) but this time it worked and I got a new bag.but it costs me 600rs.again I started to feeling bad as its been atleast 13000rs till now which has been spent for my this entire INDUSTRIAL HUNGAMA.
our dinner arrived.after that we slept.today I shut all the doors of the room and lit the mosquito coil.and result I saw is promising.there were very few mosquitoes.anyways
good night.