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Away From Your Heart...

9:05 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

Hey its been nice to again pressing keyboards rather than touching it. The sound of keys makes the input more valid in psychological way. Its been long since i wrote any blog or posted any posts in Facebook. I quit Facebook. Felt very irritated about it. And also my internet recharge was due, and i lost all my money, even the internet's money to buy a new Android set which i was wishing to have from a very long time. Even i lost the next months internet recharge and might loose the another next month's too. I am totally bankrupt at this point now. Even i don't have the money to buy a pencil now. So it seems for me the only way is to maintain mobile internet or to get into a wi-fi enabled college to spend my day into a wi-fi enabled mall, neither of these can be possible for me because going outside of home is not at all very easy for me. My parents always thinks that i might get kidnapped all the time. Ha ha ha

But then again i took this nice opportunity to find out who my real friends are. I found that almost everyone forgot me instantly after 1 day of my disappearance. Only some kept of replying to my very old messages. After that they stopped too and then no one contacted me except the one whom i contacted personally. The only one person, my new found best friend, thought its complicated for me till because of her whimsical nature i don't now yet who am i. Sometimes she calls me best friend, sometimes i feel like complete stranger. But anyways that's the way she is and i accepted her in her own unique style.

Though my new android set, Samsung Galaxy ACE Plus is fully capable of diminishing all my needs. I still wanted to write my blog in my laptop. Laptop feels like home where my new super smart-phone seems like a nice hotel.

So finally i became a graduate, though we declared ourselves a long time ago, but at 27th July 2012 we became official graduates. Everybody done a great job, but i failed to suffice my expectations. Anyways nothing matters now as it was my fault to fall in love with someone who didn't felt a bit for me and got committed with someone of HER choice. I gave my final year exams without any preparation and absolutely blank mindedly only depending upon my knowledge through practice. My viva, projects everything went bad and my marks got decreased much. I am not sad because i didn't became a topper, i never longed for any, but i am sad that even with this marks i cant get into ant MCA course through JECA as my entrance exam too went bad.

I don't why it happens with me that every time i went on giving any major or final exams something goes wrong with me. It happens all the time. Happened when i am giving my secondary exam, higher secondary exam was the biggest of all blast anyways now this time my graduation too got bad because of my bad fate. How much i have to suffer? Why god is not showing me the correct path? I don't want any of these experiences. It hurts very much. But it seems like all other times god loves to kick in my ass. Harder every time.

I admitted myself to MBA course in SMU, DE. Its a distance course so if i don't get any fulltime MCA i can still search for jobs and do it while doing my MBA. I don't know how much use it will be. Meanwhile my family is now singing some reverse tunes about not being able to handle the cost of MCA which is approx 4 Lakhs. Through the entire 3 years of master's degree. So i am not sure how much i can be able to persue it. Right now i am feeling very helpless and any future seems shadowed.

During all these activities, i cant concentrate on my gym activities. I became more lazy and suffering more and more. Now it came to the choosing point where if i get the MCA i have to leave the gym because i cant risk loosing 3 - 4 hours per day for the next 3 years because i have to do MBA also. I searched for part time jobs and failed again. Tried to give tuitions and yet again what i found? Failure. Some people are born lucky. Some are born unlucky like me.

Ya i again started to like someone and i again failed. Earlier i too tried i failed. My life comes to a tipping point now. Some of the key points are that -

l        I have a very costly degree but its of no use without the masters.
l        I have a high marks of no use as i did not done well in my entrance exam for masters.
l        I have a good bedroom but i hate my bathroom, which is the most important area.
l        I have a family but none loves me, understands me.
l        My mom cooks very well but not for me, only if guest comes, and i am foodie.
l        I need money now but we don't have it, we had it when we didn't needed it.
l        I have many standby love proposals, which i cant accept, as i still have fresh wounds of old memories.
l        I like many but everyone of them have some issues.
l        I dated too and it didn't worked out.
l        I have a hi-fi mobile set now but with in future i can only avail 2G data plans which will again be of no use in this case.
l        I have a gaming pc, but i cant play now.
l        Many many people knows me, i don't know why, but i don't have any friends, REAL friends.
l        I have a old best friend but his best friend is not me now.
l        I am doing gym but i cant go there regularly, also its very crowded, maybe its the side effect of being the cheapest gym in the city and i don't have the Money to take supplement to make a good body. So gymming at this point is of no use.
l        I have a full driver's license but i don't have even a cycle now. Girls loves bikes anyways.
l        I have a costly automatic day date watch but its of very bad design and it of my father's its totally old fashioned and no one likes it.
l        I changed my look and now even i don't like it.
l        I have 3 phones now, 1 of them is of dual sim another one is coming which is given in the repair center, but i don't have a single person to call when i need someone. Ya i get calls only in their need OR only when they have given all their times to their dear and near ones and if sometime and will is left they spend it on me. I don't know why but sometimes it feels like sympathy.
l        My city now have 2 shopping malls but i don't have money
l        My city have dominos, kfc and more food mart is yet to come but still money is the problem.
l        I have lots of very important things to buy but again i didn't have the money and no one is willing to give me any. My parents are saving money for their old age. Lollz
l        I look like very brilliant and rich but i am nether of them. People assume wrong about me by looking at my picture.
l        I am 22 and still i still don't have a gf.

...... And many more

So have you seen that how incomplete my life is?
Yes this is my life. From outside it may seems like a bed of rose but from where i stand, its living hell. Yes i know many would say that people are living even in more hellish situations but for me and in my framework my life is called hell. And its getting worsen day by day.. And the worst part is that i am getting away day by day from the people's heart......

Its sad. Isnt it??

bye

Every Game has a Reset Button…

2:07 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

Sometimes we cannot see the light, which is coming from a distant source. All we can see its faded aura. We wonder about it, dream about it, think about it yet we feel reluctant to look after its source. We are lazy people by nature, I am a lazy person, who will do such tiresome work to look after the source, we are happy by only using the light. So are we selfish or lazy or both? We know it was there, we know we can find it. Are we become too busy doing nothing? Am I lost? Yes, I am lost. I became unstable like a hit atom.

Books make mind broad. We need broad minds, to accept things which otherwise could not be permitted. They say, “Nothing is true, everything is permitted” and they also say, “Truth can be adjusted”. Too much of a broad mind becomes isolated isn’t it? Sometimes we get isolated while we try badly to live with all. Can we not satisfy all? No, we can’t. So let us satisfy the one person we love. The question is whom we love the most. 90% would say that it is their LOVE, while 90% will act otherwise, which proves that people loves themselves most. Isn’t it the act of selfishness? Ya some people would say “Only a happy person can spread happiness” While some cant follow the lead of others. They just can’t get along with the ideas of being selfish. Ya some people can’t be selfish and they live in sadness and misery, because they cant satisfy all, so others become unhappy, they radiate unhappiness in return which makes this person unhappy and that’s too in an amplified way. Then this person becomes too unhappy and the cycle continues.

Now what will this broad-minded unselfish unhappy person will do?

Million dollar question but zero cent answer. Feeling my life and too feeling its thrones. Where I am going? Is it the right way? I am so fed up of walking on the empty streets, the wrong ones and the possible ones. Still I am going on an on, life is a show and show must go on. Isn’t it friends? Our holy books have said that no one does anything. No consequence is sudden. Every thing is defined. Luck is nothing but the incoherent way of guessing what has been written and the destiny is the goal.

I found no way around. Today is one of the happiest day in my best friend’s life. Ya now it should be in this way, best friend and friend only. I am feeling very happy about it. But am I crying inside? But why? Selfishness? Emptiness? Jealousy? Competition for a happier life? Am I doing this to the most important person of my life? The most prominent person who is still in my life.

But is that person ever had a bit of feelings for me? Who am I without her? I feel lost when I could not contact and that person also does that same. What is this? We do this but we don’t know this. What’s is the name of this? A mere friendship? I had lots of friends. I am having many now. Ya I do have another old friend of mine too. But no one seems to care that much for me. Is that the care to which I am so glued? Am I addicted? Am I hungry for love? Am I hungry for a little care? What if I get those from someone someday? Will I forget that person? Will that person forget me when their relationship gets more indulging, by time? Ya that person used to forgets me in busy times. Sometimes I feel like I have become one of the duties that person performs. A burden of past. A blank paper?

It hurts to see what my life have become. It is built, destroyed, rebuilt and destroyed again by the wind; still I love to fall for it. Lover of that wind, I cry for you o’ wind, I will live to see you fly. They say life is game, every game has a reset button, I wish I could have mine..

Phiriye Dewaar Gaan (Soup Boy'z facebook Mix)

4:51 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
bhebechilam offl9 hoye jaabo ami
bhebechlam reply deebo na
bhebechilam tag ta muuche felbo ami
bhebechilam poke er reply debo na
kicchu parlam na
sudhu barlo notice khub
sukhi meye bojhena ekla thakar osukh
paati status diye
sajano comments er khoi
toke delete kora uchit oboshhyoi
ebhabe online e, mukhosh diye dhaka
thak se profile tola
thak tor sathe kotha
bolbona bolbona na na !
sato poking er aadore jei rekhechi toke khub
thak friend list e dhaka, amar ei bhaalo laga
amake pati bhebe sorash na
naram aangul bhenge jaabe
(gaali) uugre debo comment e

bhebechilam.....

- dedicated to all gilrs who take us, the soup boyz lightly.... :P

(c) to Ramen Mukherjee, all rights reserved... 

Rendezvous With Myself on a Lonely Path....

8:54 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I was walking alone, taking my small steps and counting them, counting to see that on how much steps i stumble again, suddenly i saw him, someone familiar, someone lost, someone who needs help but cant ask for more, Someone who is living like a boy who doesn't / couldn't / wouldn't bring tiffin everyday to his class, he is solely dependent on what others are sharing with him everyday, after the maximum fulfillment of their satisfaction, they throw their pieces at him with lots of sympathy. he could have snatch, but he don't, too humanitarian, too humble to live on his own, isn't it? someday he gets some, someday more than he could have ever wanted off and someday nothing. his life flips always from 0 to 1 like a digital flip-flop circuit, the only problem is that his life stays, in random, at the infinite number of incomplete fractional numbers between 0 to 1. that's why maybe he is unstable, he is like a hit atom. he can only look at other's lunchbox with dream in his eyes that one day he will too get a lunchbox bigger than each and everyone of them, he has heart-full of hunger but stomach full of sympathy, vision full of dreams of a happy life but eyes full of acid. when he sees other's lunchbox full of hot lustrous meals, he gets jealous maybe but still under control of his mind, he is independent, independent of his demon, but the chains are cranking, the demon wants to out and destroy who try to harm him. his fantasies are obscure but still real enough. he lives to die ever day, he wants to die once to live forever. he fights with all but cant fight with his inner demon. the hungry demon, the lonely demon. he fights fights and fights so that he don't have to fight anymore. he is suffering from the perfect imperfection, hallucinated, depreciated life, anomaly, look at me you moron, i said. do u wanna go to hell ?? he answered, i am already in it. you cant shit me with anything, anymore.

who is he?
maybe he is me...
no
he IS me..
I AM HIM.....

bye
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