Away From Your Heart...
9:05 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Hey its been nice to again pressing keyboards
rather than touching it. The sound of keys makes the input more valid in
psychological way. Its been long since i wrote any blog or posted any posts in
Facebook. I quit Facebook. Felt very irritated about it. And also my internet
recharge was due, and i lost all my money, even the internet's money to buy a
new Android set which i was wishing to have from a very long time. Even i lost
the next months internet recharge and might loose the another next month's too.
I am totally bankrupt at this point now. Even i don't have the money to buy a
pencil now. So it seems for me the only way is to maintain mobile internet or
to get into a wi-fi enabled college to spend my day into a wi-fi enabled mall,
neither of these can be possible for me because going outside of home is not at
all very easy for me. My parents always thinks that i might get kidnapped all
the time. Ha ha ha
But then again i took this nice opportunity to find
out who my real friends are. I found that almost everyone forgot me instantly
after 1 day of my disappearance. Only some kept of replying to my very old
messages. After that they stopped too and then no one contacted me except the
one whom i contacted personally. The only one person, my new found best friend,
thought its complicated for me till because of her whimsical nature i don't now
yet who am i. Sometimes she calls me best friend, sometimes i feel like
complete stranger. But anyways that's the way she is and i accepted her in her
own unique style.
Though my new android set, Samsung Galaxy ACE Plus
is fully capable of diminishing all my needs. I still wanted to write my blog
in my laptop. Laptop feels like home where my new super smart-phone seems like
a nice hotel.
So finally i became a graduate, though we declared
ourselves a long time ago, but at 27th July 2012 we became official
graduates. Everybody done a great job, but i failed to suffice my expectations.
Anyways nothing matters now as it was my fault to fall in love with someone who
didn't felt a bit for me and got committed with someone of HER choice. I gave
my final year exams without any preparation and absolutely blank mindedly only
depending upon my knowledge through practice. My viva, projects everything went
bad and my marks got decreased much. I am not sad because i didn't became a
topper, i never longed for any, but i am sad that even with this marks i cant
get into ant MCA course through JECA as my entrance exam too went bad.
I don't why it happens with me that every time i
went on giving any major or final exams something goes wrong with me. It
happens all the time. Happened when i am giving my secondary exam, higher
secondary exam was the biggest of all blast anyways now this time my graduation
too got bad because of my bad fate. How much i have to suffer? Why god is not
showing me the correct path? I don't want any of these experiences. It hurts
very much. But it seems like all other times god loves to kick in my ass.
Harder every time.
I admitted myself to MBA course in SMU, DE. Its a
distance course so if i don't get any fulltime MCA i can still search for jobs
and do it while doing my MBA. I don't know how much use it will be. Meanwhile
my family is now singing some reverse tunes about not being able to handle the
cost of MCA which is approx 4 Lakhs. Through the entire 3 years of master's
degree. So i am not sure how much i can be able to persue it. Right now i am
feeling very helpless and any future seems shadowed.
During all these activities, i cant concentrate on
my gym activities. I became more lazy and suffering more and more. Now it came
to the choosing point where if i get the MCA i have to leave the gym because i
cant risk loosing 3 - 4 hours per day for the next 3 years because i have to do
MBA also. I searched for part time jobs and failed again. Tried to give
tuitions and yet again what i found? Failure. Some people are born lucky. Some
are born unlucky like me.
Ya i again started to like someone and i again
failed. Earlier i too tried i failed. My life comes to a tipping point now.
Some of the key points are that -
l
I
have a very costly degree but its of no use without the masters.
l
I
have a high marks of no use as i did not done well in my entrance exam for
masters.
l
I
have a good bedroom but i hate my bathroom, which is the most important area.
l
I
have a family but none loves me, understands me.
l
My
mom cooks very well but not for me, only if guest comes, and i am foodie.
l
I
need money now but we don't have it, we had it when we didn't needed it.
l
I
have many standby love proposals, which i cant accept, as i still have fresh
wounds of old memories.
l
I
like many but everyone of them have some issues.
l
I
dated too and it didn't worked out.
l
I
have a hi-fi mobile set now but with in future i can only avail 2G data plans
which will again be of no use in this case.
l
I
have a gaming pc, but i cant play now.
l
Many
many people knows me, i don't know why, but i don't have any friends, REAL
friends.
l
I
have a old best friend but his best friend is not me now.
l
I
am doing gym but i cant go there regularly, also its very crowded, maybe its
the side effect of being the cheapest gym in the city and i don't have the
Money to take supplement to make a good body. So gymming at this point is of no
use.
l
I
have a full driver's license but i don't have even a cycle now. Girls loves
bikes anyways.
l
I
have a costly automatic day date watch but its of very bad design and it of my
father's its totally old fashioned and no one likes it.
l
I
changed my look and now even i don't like it.
l
I
have 3 phones now, 1 of them is of dual sim another one is coming which is
given in the repair center, but i don't have a single person to call when i
need someone. Ya i get calls only in their need OR only when they have given
all their times to their dear and near ones and if sometime and will is left
they spend it on me. I don't know why but sometimes it feels like sympathy.
l
My
city now have 2 shopping malls but i don't have money
l
My
city have dominos, kfc and more food mart is yet to come but still money is the
problem.
l
I
have lots of very important things to buy but again i didn't have the money and
no one is willing to give me any. My parents are saving money for their old
age. Lollz
l
I
look like very brilliant and rich but i am nether of them. People assume wrong
about me by looking at my picture.
l
I
am 22 and still i still don't have a gf.
...... And many more
So have you seen that how incomplete my life is?
Yes this is my life. From outside it may seems like
a bed of rose but from where i stand, its living hell. Yes i know many would
say that people are living even in more hellish situations but for me and in my
framework my life is called hell. And its getting worsen day by day.. And the
worst part is that i am getting away day by day from the people's heart......
Its sad. Isnt it??
bye
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