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Saturday - 8/02/2014

3:27 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
You just can’t force anyone to write anything about which he doesn’t feel in his heart right away. Writing for me comes from the heart and it is just explodes inside you. A great way to exhaust your feelings. There was a time when I used to hide all those but now I made it all public in my blog which is well in fact equal to keep the words secret because no one cares to do a visit. Do I care for others writings? How much I, myself see? Well none is particular and I am not ashamed of confessing it and so I don’t expect to visit and view mine and if there will be some person who visits in future then I won’t have to explain everything to him/her because their visiting means they care. And a person who cares for you don’t need explanation always for everything because there is something which logic can’t explain.

My internet came to me yesterday and here am I not feeling to go and stay online. It’s so boring for me to there and I don’t want to get into the mess once again. I like blogging much. No one need to listen to someone other’s shit and yet you don’t have to worry about someone getting into your shit. I don’t like people who pokes noses unnecessarily. Life is here is very serene. In my home nothing new to read, obviously I don’t like my study books so much and I don’t have any more movies left. The game on my desktop is just boring. Not feeling to play it and probably I will uninstall it soon. It’s so disappointedly story less. And talking about the stories, today’s games are all about graphics. The more pixels they pump and the technicality they show in their games where mini games are very much embedded in the main game is actually very irritating. Why don’t they just make some good story and create a good ambiance. Some games comes up with good story. Recently I played Bioshock Infinity. It’s really a good game.

Haven’t downloaded any magazines yet because old magazines are yet to read. I should have cleaned up the mess then I will download the new. There is nothing to download now and I am seriously feeling too much reluctant to download some old songs. No doubt they are great as they are past Grammy nominees. But then again, what I am going to do with all these loads of music when I don’t feel to hear to it. Even after much trouble I am able to sync all my music to my phone I don’t feel listen to it. Well I think entertainment is just for the happy minds and it’s not always goes in opposite way. It doesn’t mean that entertainment would make you happy always. Happiness is just a state of mind, they say it, but what they don’t say is that it is also based upon some factors. You just can force yourself to be happy. You can pretend for some time only and after you will feel tired of wearing a mask.

I know, most of my writing here doesn’t make any sense and then again if you need sensible work of literature there are tons of them in Amazon.com, this place might not be the place for the next booker winner but hey again I am a jack of all trades and master of none. I know I am a shitty coder, a bad leader, a looser in personal life, a jackass in professional one. I don’t write sing or play anything. I suck at sports. The only thing I have a thoughtful mind capable of dreaming with eyes open. Often I make resolutions in my mind too blog daily and then at the end of the day I tell to myself that what happened by the name of fucken lord in my life special today? NOTHING. Same old drama happened. And it will continue for the last breath of mine. Maybe the character and the stage will change but my misery wont.


I am getting all the wrong persons in my life. I mean how I could end up with these people. And it’s all because of these cyber connectivity. My god they are just the most improper beings in my life. Why I get the people who don’t like and me and in the end I start to hate them. Am I becoming a hater? Because it’s not what I want to be. I have seen haters are they are even more miserable than me. They can’t trust anyone. And I don’t think that they live while they are alive. I don’t want this kind of paranoid life. It just SUCKS.

Difference…

10:50 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Just now I completed reading January – February issue of Men’s Health magazine, USA edition. I have read more issues previously and I saw some things in common in all those. It’s all about getting laid. Muscles, gadgets, protein shakes, sex plans and fantasies, tips to get a girl and getting laid etc etc etc and all those leads to one direction for getting laid. Kissing, hugging, sex, blowjobs and nothing else. Is that the ultimate destination for a relationship? If your girl is not sleeping with you it is not a relationship and this is the kind of things which is written there. I mean even their bible says that adultery is crime isn’t it? Well sex is an integral part of life but it should not be all about a love relationship.

As someone who don’t have love in his life. Yes I would concentrate on a lovelorn male person rather than a female because it will be easy for me to relate myself to that. What I personally felt is that the mentality of Americans is a total hollow. Their love just exists in some of their handful movies, everything else is about sex. Americans have hypocrite mentality and it is like a cancer spreading to the other parts of the world and as an Indian and the biggest consumer of American products, specially entertainment products and gadgets we are quickly adapting to this hollow hypocrite mentality because it is fun. Ya surely getting laid is fun, watching nude sexy girls having sex with big dick men is fun, gaming violence is fun, rap songs and cursing is fun, watching new crime methods in crime serials is fun, rock songs and destroying attitude is fun, taking drugs & becoming a drug cartel is fun… everything negative is fun because it gives immediate enjoyment like drugs and that’s why we are so glued to this whole American dopes.

America is the biggest manufacturer and suppliers of weapons. Old time warmongers & cartels formed their governments. Different syndicates runs their economy. People are blood thirsty and racists like hell. Biggest supplier, producer and consumers of drugs. Money flows there like anything and it like a living hell. Breathing and sucking blood out of the third world countries whom they are raping continuously for their greed. People there are just greedy. Greedy for anything. Be it money, power or sex. No one is satisfied, everyone is frustrated there because they need MORE. This unsatisfactions leads to war and all those global economy collapse. They are dealers of greed. They will show you day dreams and then will kill you when you will get indulge in this.

Yes it is true I am writing this on an American machine using an American software. But as I stated, we Indians are the biggest consumer of American products I guess we have a little authority to criticise about it also. I too like everything American. Food style, gadgets, movies, songs, gaming and everything. But I don’t like their mentality. It’s very two faced. They introduced war, they made war machines, they introduced tortures, they made terrorists, they made a whole new greedy world where everyone is hungry and this hunger is the base of that consumerism and capitalism. The American way of living is kill or be killed. It’s like a jungle rule. And when other will try to do that America will declare them threat to the world. It’s like there is no foul scent in own potty. All the smell comes from other’s potty.

And this American way of living and mentality is spreading way too much faster in India than anybody can imagine. Now in India apart from having brothels and others, we have now gay lesbians and fuck-buddies. Teenagers are getting pregnant by their own choice and they call it being independent. Our greed levels have increased. We too want more now. We spend tons of money for latest things. We change partners. We are losing our values and when a less privileged person wants to have fun we call him/her rapist and outcast. He is raping because he wants that dreamy creamy girl to fuck whom his rich friends are fucking and when he doesn’t get it he rapes some other innocent girl on which he can get his own hand. I am not saying that the man is not guilty, he should be hanged. But the cause is too deep. And that’s what I am analysing here. There are many threads which leads to the increasing rapes in India and the figures are just frightening.

Previously I accused Chinese cheap gadget’s intrusion  for spreading out the porn but the thing is that people watch American porn, downloaded from American sites (legal) or some illegal (means pirated) sites and watch them on Chinese phone and that phone is available to a kid of India for a mere 699₹. THAT is a serious concern indeed. So America and its way of life is as much as guilty as Chinese cheap products. But even then what’s more wrong about us?

The answer is the ultimate problem lies in our selves. From Shak Huns Mughals to British Portuguese French, we Indians are habituated to be ruled and without a kick in our butt we don’t come into line and the only thing missing in this 2014 is the kick of the foreign boots in our butt. That’s why we are not in a straight line now. India was a golden egg producing hen from its beginning. Previously people of other country thought that by ruling (read it as by kicking butt) they can earn better. But then they realised that instead of kicking if they pat on the head with care they can earn MORE. Again the “MORE” factor is here. For that they stopped kicking and start licking. Indians are savages and it has been said many times by many people. Sir Winston Churchill also said that and we proved him true just after 56 years. The democracy here now just turned into bureaucracy and maybe it will go towards the autocracy. That would be undesirable indeed. But democracy is long lost gone. I mean the base of this democracy is a grave political conspiracy and the result is the division of India into parts. I don’t want to name them because everyone knows this open secrets. One man could have stopped this, Netaji, but he is also killed politically. Now India is a loose cannon. It is being run by a totally corrupted government and the only opposition of this government or any other future alternatives are equally and more corrupt than the current government. Because ultimate aim for every politicians is to have a Swiss bank account.

The immediate solution is to enable marshal law in whole India. Giving president the power equal to a king and make a dictator-autocratic government banning every party and killing every corrupt politician. India needs a fresh start and I have repeated myself many times.


Didn’t I?

Talking Alone…

10:46 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
People may argue that they walk alone as there is no one to walk with them, like them I talk alone, mostly in my mind and when it becomes unbearable for me, I start to write. Writing works for me like some kind of exhaust fan. I know I am alone, but sometimes I don’t know why people have to show me that. Like last day, in Saraswati Puja, I called my best friend and he told me that he has called his other friend for outing and if I want I can join, but why the hell my best friend would not call me in first hand? Because priorities for him has been changed. And it is high time for me to let mine be changed also. I am chained in my own soul. I want freedom from it. This body is my jail.

Couple of days ago I went to a marriage ceremony of the daughter of a very distant social family friend of my maternal side. I used to go their home, along with my parents in a very early childhood. We were very good friends then. Then some ego clash happened and for last 13 – 14 years we didn’t saw each other’s face and forgotten each other’s presence. Recently in a road my family met with them and after someday they sent the card of their daughter, my lost friend’s marriage. The weirdest part is that when my parents met with them they instantly liked the girl and my mom told me if I was any interested in her or not but I denied as I didn’t even remembered her face. Sometimes later the day when I thought to tell my mom to re-introduce her with me I got the news of her marriage and believe me it was like déjà vu in a sense. Similar things happened with me earlier also.

Anyways fighting with my mind I finally decided to go. Saw her and she is no doubt nice. Waiting for her husband to come and marry her and dressed like some kind of goddess. It was nice and I prayed all the goodness for her and her coming future. Then suddenly the second bomb exploded. Someone entered through the main gate of ceremony. I know her from the Facebook. She WAS a friend and now we don’t talk anymore as I can’t stand before her great ego. I can’t miss those eyes. Damn it! It’s her. Just at the time of going to the ceremony I felt like that I am about to see someone whom I know. I expected go see my 1st ex-girlfriend as it was happening in her area. But really I didn’t expected to see this. But anyways whenever she entered through the gates in a very simple dress with her parents my eyes were kind of glued to her. Can’t look somewhere else. I tried yet failed. Those eyes are just wow. She too saw me and ignored me even sitting in front of me. Later I knew that my family, especially my mom is very well known to her family. They were old neighbours before my mom’s marriage.

But NO. I decided to not to take any advantage of this to re-connect with her. I am feeling the urge to do that. I am feeling restless just to talk to her once. But no. I have decided not to do that and hurt myself again. It is a dead end. She is a disturbed soul, she loves someone else. And she don’t count me as a friend even. Probably she thought me some kind of roadside Romeo or something like that. And I don’t want to be humiliated again. What I believe in is that if someone is written in your fate, he/she is bound to come to you. You can’t play god and even god can’t play god in your fate because what is written is beyond anyone’s power. The whole world is a big program and we are just pre coded modules. No one can change our doing and beings. So I decided not to come online and talk to her in an emergency manner. I want to forget her. Forget her just once again. The more I try to forget the more I am remembering her so I stopped to forget her. I am trying just to deviate from this by doing other things like watching movies but still no matter what I am doing. I know it will take some serious time. Watching her alive for about 3 hours is just too much for me to handle. Anyways I was very happy to see her. Maybe it all happened for good. God did it to deviate me from that immediate situation.


He works in mysterious ways, isn’t it?

End of MBA Semester 3....

10:33 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yesterday my two weeks long semester exam got end. I really enjoyed studying this semester. There were several things to learn from it. I chose Project Management as my specialization and I knew I am going to like it. And it really worked out well. I don’t know what will be the marks of the exam. I am really not bothered about it. I may get backlog in my legal paper but still I enjoyed studying the course. A person with technical background like BCA & MCA coupled with project managing skills of MBA-PM is a good combination I think. Let’s see how the industry evaluates me. I always wanted to do PhD. Well a “Dr.” before my name would sound so nice. But then on the second thought, I have to support my family as soon as possible. Because it needs a bread earner now. All our funds are depleted because of studies. I am afraid that how I am going to repay them the debt. Though I know that debt of parents can’t be paid off but still I see no possible way to overcome this huge monetary burden.

The centre I was allotted to was in Durgapur. It was very far from my home. I have change buses and then have to catch auto rickshaw to get there. It was a totally 2 hours affairs for one side journey. The real problem starts at the time of coming from there. Buses were totally filled up. Have to stand my way to coming home, though I was lucky enough to get the seat most of the time but there was surely no guaranty of it. Learned many things about the life in these days. Saw many people. It was the first time I gave any proper online exam. The experience was good. And I am thrilled to give that. I have a very high typing speed and it really gave me an edge over other. Most of the days I complete my exam on 30 to 45 minutes before and in the last day I completed it 90 minutes before. But the exam was hard as always.

Just got a bad news, Idea MNP is closed now. I waited for my exam to over and when it was over, I called the shop and I got this awful news. Now I am wondering where I will port to. Vodafone is too costly and network problem is on rampart. I was using Aircel network, though in Virgin GSM connection, from almost 4 years and it never betrayed me. Airtel has the biggest and strongest of network and also it is costly as hell. The only USP of the Reliance GSM is now gone. They are again back to costly 3G service. Aircel and Reliance are expert in stealing money. Happened with me many times. Also their service calls and sms are total nuisance. BSNL is out of the league now. Cant port to MTS as it is CDMA and personally I don’t like CDMA service that much. Though MTS’s data service is good. My wish is to get port to Airtel so that I would never be losing network anywhere. But then again it has no good shop near my home. Also like I was getting money for incoming calls in Virgin, other services will not give me the same, it means I have to recharge my account on regular interval. And for that I need a company which will provide value for money. Airtel is certainly not a company of such features. Where Aircel has almost a good network to all the places I used to visit, even on other states, it also has some value for money plans and recharges like 50₹ full talk time as general offer and special offers in data also. I guess Aircel is a viable solution for me. My MBA mind is telling me that.


Also I was having extreme problem syncing music to my Lumia. The music I had just don’t get synced properly. I don’t know why. Microsoft made it cumbersome. I like music and I like it even more as I started to prune my music collection. Tried several softwares. No one is able to sync properly the way I wanted. I wanted an Apple experience but Microsoft failed to deliver me. I guessed I hopes too much from this Windows 8 experience. The official Windows Mobile App is useless for syncing music. It can copy pictures automatically but not music and I don’t know why exactly. Manual syncing doesn’t bring the album art and all the details I given to the music spending hours after hour correcting their info. Spend countless bandwidth to download them and this is I am getting. I am so disappointed from Microsoft. Seriously.
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