Today is Lunar
Eclipse and both the pujas have ended, Durga Puja & Laxmi Puja and soon,
Kali Puja will end also. I am feeling better now. No cacophony, no noise, no
showoffs, no bright flashes, no late night blabbering of people, no Facebook
filled pictures of different poses. I will get the mental peace I desire. I
think I should take some more days off from studies. I have become lazier now a
days. I am following the simple rule of eating & sleeping. Life is a little
worriless now, and I am feeling very nice about it. The day before yesterday one
of my oldest friend’s aunt has died, she was suffering from long ailment of
kidneys and high blood sugar. I prayed for her soul’s smooth departure to the
lord’s hand.
There were
some people who said that they would meet me in puja, but they didn’t, they
were too reluctant to even notify me that they won’t be meeting me. It’s like I
don’t hold any value for them. So I have decided not to give a damn to them
also. I know if I ask then they will give me umpteen number of excuses which I
hate very much. Let them as they are and I will stay in myself. I won’t be
going to find someone new because I think finally I have realised that my
happiness or sorrow is not in someone else’s hand but mine. It’s me who
control’s it consciously or unconsciously.
I can see the
god’s connection everywhere. I was not goof at JAVA’s string handling so god
sent a student to me and in the process of teaching hr I studied it extensively
and after I accomplish what I needed she left. I guess god did that to give me
some more time for my studies which I think I kind of neglect due to
overburdening myself from various responsibilities. Responsibilities, which
have no worth for others when done. Why I would be working for someone else
when there is not even a word of recognition and if there is, then they are all
fake?
I know that I
would have no reader in this blog that’s why I write here almost freely. And if
someday someone visits here they will find my memoirs of life. It feel great
that even after I will die I will stay for some years in this cyber world but
then again who cares about me? No one. I won’t be having monuments or statues
in my name. Neither there will be any day celebrated for me. Nor I will have
any online community. I will turn to dust and that’s it. So why fight for it?
Let it be as it is going and in the meantime just do the good karma and leave
the entire thing in the hands of god. He will decide what I need and what I
deserve.
Just like
someday ago I asked my father to bring me some ₹2 & ₹1 coins. But he gave
me only some ₹2 coins and I got some more as my mother don’t need that much and
on the next day I found that the student bus fare has been increased from ₹3 to
₹4. So isn't it god’s connection? IT IS. He wanted me to have those ₹2 coins so
that I can commute effortlessly in bus. Otherwise ₹1 coins are easily available
everywhere.
They say there
are many realms. They also say that there are many dimensions of this world
where we might be acting as same or differently. Maybe that dimensions are
faster or slower than us. Isn't it also possible that god acid tests his
judgements on us on different dimensions and then apply on us in this current
dimension? They say he can foresee the future but future is getting changed all
the time because our present actions. Then how can he sure of our future unless
he choreographed our all the moves exactly as he likes so we get to point B
from point A as he decided? So whatever we all are doing and happening with us
is already written for us exclusively.
But then again
there is a concept of “Free Will”. Now this is a very tedious thing for god
because like me and other in my profession, he is also a programmer, a coder of
the world. I believe so. And is there is something called “Free Will” exists
then it will create a big IF-ELSE ladder for the god. And every IF and every ELSE and every combination of nested IF-ELSE would end up taking us to some
alternate location other than point B. But no matter what where we reach out it
will become point B for us. That’s why future depends on us as we have free
will and the power of choosing but also the options are created by god and he
knows exactly where we will end up if we follow our choices.
But as our old
scriptures are telling us that there is also a DEFAULT case for us created by
god where he chooses the “best suited option for the moment” for us and
sometimes we get clueless about it. Different questions and doubts surrounds
our heads like vultures from hell and we forget about ourselves. That’s why we
should either leave everything to god or keep on doing good karma and accept
whatever the consequences will be as it’s said in Shreemad Bhagwat Geeta, or we
should take the full control of our life and do what feels right to our same
judgement and prepare ourselves for the consequences.
In the both
cases we should always be prepared for the consequences. Now the question is
what is the use of being optimistic all the way? We should be preparing for the
worst always and that’s why I think pessimism is the best way to live. To live
without expectations and fool’s hope. It will help to achieve the stability of
mind and life. As there are no expectations so there will be no after pain of
getting then broken. But as a human we always expect and then we our heart, we
expect to keep our promise of not to expect again and in the way we expect once
again. This is our core nature. We can’t change it. This is the way we are
meant and that’s why Pandora opened the box and wrecked the havoc upon us.
Pandora was
curious and so is the mankind. The more we know the more we suffer from the
brutal reality. At childhood we know little and we cry more to know more. When
we know more we cry even more to repent why we knew about it. Like a relation
is good and stable as long as you don’t dig deep and discover that the man is a
drug addict or a fraud and the girl is not virgin or having an affair with
someone else. When you know more than even the most perfectly seeming things
become darker. But as in the path of seeking truth having reasonable doubt is
the most important thing. Having imagination is necessary but not sufficient
unless there is a doubt, not on the imagination but what’s served in front of
us as truth, then it will create invention and we finally get the enlightenment of truth.
There are many
events in my life by which I can connect the dots and can slightly predict the
future and what’s about to happen and I stay prepared. I stay prepared all the
time. And yet people call me negative person. Yes I am negative personally but
to the person who needs positivity, seeks positivity from me, and sees me as a
positive person. Friends, I am neutral. Believe me, I am. It’s onto the eyes of
the beholder who sees me as a positive or negative person. I always stay
neutral to everything. At least I try to be.
