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A Fragile Heart

12:16 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

Why it pains us when it does not exists. Why we cry when we say that it’s not mine, it was never mine? Why we can’t accept the truth that the loved ones of ours are now not with us. They became someone else’s. As human beings, we can’t tolerate excessive competitions. This may increase our productivity but only up to a certain extent. And competition in the matter of heart is the most painful thing because you cant make anyone just to accept you as you are, it’s the feeling which works on them, either they have it or they don’t.

It doesn’t mean always that a beautiful person will like or love another beautiful person. It happens when only they have no or little chances to find a better alternative for themselves. If we keep aside the natural facts of “choosing the best partners by female of any species”. And if we even keep aside the fact that humans, by their DNA are polygamous. Even if we try to forget that our human brain by design is a very selfish & greedy machine which can even consume itself when needed.

We can find another thing in ourselves is the feeling. Very dangerous thing indeed. A small amount of feeling can trigger an immense burst of love fear hatred and whatever emotions you have. However, these three are major players of our mind and we can’t simply switch them off neither can create any these things for us. Now feelings can be created by brain too, it’s a very powerful simulating machine. People say that feelings come straight from the heart but heart can be tricked and fooled by brain because after all we human have the best logical calculation machines inbuilt in us and it can project different thoughts and can screw heart even.

Now a days the fashion is to choose the partner logically, be in the relationship logically, try to love them afterwards if they still remain the logical choice or get out of that relationship and find another one, else stay in relationship until the 3rd stage occurs. It can be shown by a good flowchart anyways I don’t have a wish to do so for now. Ha ha ha

But the matter still remains, our heart stays fragile all the time, that’s why we try to protect it with our brain, brain tricks the heart and we try to find love and other emotions in other earthly elements. But can’t we just shut our hearts off? I have seen some people living without feelings. In our holy books it has written to throw away all emotions so that we can know the truth, its really golden words because heart always shadows our outlook. But really are there any people living without feelings? I don’t think so because sooner of later I see them break and when they does all their emotions come out and I realize that they were never strong persons themselves but they acted like a water storage dam. And they never opened the valve and that’s why the dam overflowed and broke it.

That’s why I think it’s a better plan to live with a fragile heart because once it overflows we lost out heart, its good to show emotions, to forgive easily, to love badly, to cry like a baby and maybe by the god’s grace you can sleep happily. I am proud to be a lover. I loved many people. I loved for many times. Not all love can be defined but I can assure you that the love is not always how we see it on the screens. Sometimes love hurts. Sometimes we have to let go our love for the sake of our love. Sometimes we have to forfeit from it just to make their lives happy. We sometimes stay aloof from it to make them realize the worth of it and now, most of the times love means pain and sacrifice.

It doesn’t mean that sacrifice will always be painful. But when it does become so, people only can wish for die, though it’s the ultimate truth that we will die eventually someday, but to die without a cause is just unmanly. Now I know some people, specially people like me can always ask that is there any rule that boys cant have or express their own emotions? But the matter is that boys are more emotional than girls but they can hold for much than them, its not bad to either hold or express your emotions. But it’s the proper timing which matters. And only it can specify the right and wrong.

Maybe a fragile heart can become selfish, maybe a pain-filled heart can only spread pain, maybe people fall into relationships after relationships just to get a taste of their very first love. But eventually it increases the diameter of their emptiness, it increases their inner blackhole’s depth. Thus, People fall into an iterative cycle of love and breakup. Thus, the story of the fragile heart continues…

Have a nice day friends, enjoy with your loved ones, dear ones, make your life fill with fun though its momentarily because if there is happiness then there will be sadness on its way to you and vice versa.

Bye

Waited for your call, which never came…

10:46 PM Edit This 1 Comment »

Sorry to say but yes I waited the whole day to get a call from you. You didn’t bothered to inform me about your whereabouts, yet you claimed 2 days ago that everything will remain the same, the same as it was used to be. But sorry to say but I don’t see any thing similar here. It’s all a new kind of experience for me. Ya I agree that you don’t have your sms pack now nor you have balance left, all your sim cards are blocked and you don’t have a penny to call me from PCO landline but all your family members, your mom has a phone from where you can give me a miscalls, I could have called you but NO, you simply decided to stay aloof of my situations, my worry. Ya I know you have someone special to take care of you now and you are now in your home, you are feeling safe and after this long disgusting semester time, you are relaxing and enjoying with your love all day long. But what about my feelings? Could the feeling of long those 3 years can be discarded so easily? Even when I was cutting the brief call you didn’t told me to stop, to listen to you or you didn’t gave me any mere excuse even. Am I a so bad person now? You know what, I waited the whole day for your call, which never came…

And yes you, I waited for your call too, I know you enjoyed much with your friends and maybe you became too upset suddenly about something, maybe your heart is broken or maybe your broken heart is paining again and maybe you are not feeling in the mood to talk with me right now, and listen to all my bullshits. But still you managed to come online and talk to all strangers but didn’t dropped a single line in my inbox. You completely forgot about the promise to call me back as soon as you get back from outing. Ya I know you didn’t cared for me anytime, I am not a person to ask for your care even. I hav no rights. I never had any. but I cared for you. All the time. When you were fully broke down I was with you even my heart was broken into pieces recently that time. I cracked jokes to make you laugh when I was bleeding from eyes. Still you forgot. You didn’t FELT like talking to me. When I needed you the most. I was alone completely that time and waited the whole time for your call, which never came…

And of course you, thinking about you from the last day, but couldn’t call you to hear up your voice as its was so night and you stay busy in night with your love. I didn’t wanted to ruin your happy moments I stay silent, shedding my tears, for something unknown, residing deep inside me, haunting me. I got up early as I saw a dream about you and I tried to call you up right that time, out of bed but again I couldn’t because I knew you are sleeping because you are tired of staying awake late. Though I don’t know why I expected for your call but I waited so much that I didn’t took anyone’s call in fear that you might get my cell busy. But still yet your call didn’t came but yes when I was so emotionally stirred up I got your simple one liner good night sms and I got so emotionally eager to call you that I actually broke the code and called you up in the night, you did received the call but till then I realized that I was doing something very wrong and this could trigger some unexpected circumstances. I cut the phone but still somewhere i don’t know why I kept on telling myself that she will tell me to stop and will listen to me, she will make me to stay on the phone but you didn’t after one simple request. I don’t know I can’t blame you for anything. I can’t blame anyone for anything but I know one thing that I Waited for your call, which never came…

I Waited for your call, which never came…

Never...

bye

We are now Graduates..

5:35 PM Edit This 1 Comment »

I became a graduate yesterday; it should be feeling good right? Ya perhaps, but it also means increment in responsibilities and also hike in self-expectations and also the frequency of self-realization will increase also. Now I am hoping for my masters. Probably two degrees at a time. I don’t know how much I can succeed but I have to try, I always have to try. Isn’t it a good thing? Sometimes I feel that I should stop chasing. What it gives me? Except for pain? I chased. And I failed and yet I prepare myself to chase again.

They say dreams are important, without it no one can imagine what they have to do next but what they don’t tell us that how much it pains when our dreams get broken by someone very close or by the person who the dream is about. Maybe people like to break other’s dreams. I will not say that I haven’t broken any. Maybe I have broken more than mine. And so I should not shout about “WHY ME?”.

In this peculiar time when I should be partying whole week long I am asking myself what I have gained and what changes I got? I came to the college heartbroken and I am leaving the college heartbroken. Either the times it was some outside girl who broke me or I must say that by whom I got my heart broken. As some of my acquaintances, I was a jerk, and they still call me a jerk, reasons changed but not my designation.

Why I love you so much is a very hard to explain but The harder question is question why I even love someone? The day before yesterday night I was explaining this to one of my close friend upon whom I had a huge crush one time and still have huge feelings for her though she is committed somewhat happily now, but still I mourn within myself WHY NOT ME? We were so compatible but yet I failed to create any feelings for her. So is it me? Who is not eligible for any feelings of anyone? No one feels for me no matter how much I try. No no I am not complaining, it’s that maybe perhaps I didn’t understood what the love is.

Its not that I want to be loved, no I am not that selfish but the fact, which I realized, is that I want to give love, take care of someone, fighting with someone, making her dreams come true, making someone my world, someone? Really? Or the only that person? My friends tell me to wait and wait for the person who is about to come but again they tell me to hold myself together for the right person. My question is how the hell someone could know who is the right person? If I spend the time judging, I can’t use the time loving. So I love. I trust and I respect.

And it has become evident that I can love two persons at a time. Two? Only? Really? Why? …. anyways I am trying to forget both of them, yet I cant because the feeling of love is very strong and to forget the feeling I need either a equal powered feeling or the opposite feeling and I really cant hate them both. because they didn’t committed anything bad to me its just me who loved them madly. Loved. Tried to forgot. Again loved and again trying to forget.

Maybe some of my readers can see that the only thing I am writing on to this site is only about my life’s tragedy. believe me guys I have only this to share. Don’t have anything else..

Bye for now
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