My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

It is me writing again from my Laptop.it is night. I’m awake. Tried a lot to get a sleep. But maybe just like my luck I am not getting it. Feeling alone. Disturbed. Distracted. Unlucky. Aloof. Unfocused. Clueless. Helpless. Mindless. It doesn’t feel right to just be ignored by the whole world. I am isolated. I am cut off. No one cares for me because I am better than all. Maybe I am just meant for it. My family doesn’t like me and I am not ashamed of telling this to the world. They are not anyone, upon whom I can have faith trust love, I can’t rely upon them. Gave them enough privilege but now I will not allow them to continue ruin my life. I decided to go on my own. I decided it long ago. They fear that what if I leave and they were become helpless. I already proved my worthiness. But they took my love & respect for them as my weakness. And thus they are neglecting me. But it won’t take me long to show my metal to them.

Yes I need someone in my life but that doesn’t mean that I have to beg support from each and every one. If it is so then I need no one. People are not just meant for me. They are just the doucebags which I don’t need. My parent can’t even feed me and provide my necessities. For long I have questioned myself why they aren’t doing what needful? Then I answered myself….why would they? I mean what is their need to feed me? I will stay alive anyways. They don’t have to raise me properly because I am mature enough now to look after my own. And they deserve more than that ,they think I SHOULD take responsibilities of them NOW. But then there again the question rises. WHY WOULD I?

I always thought that I am special. Yes I am special. My luck my fate my destiny is special and unique to all. I have to make my mark. Once my best friend asked me that what am i without my parents. They are my god and they have all the rights to justify me and made whatever they like to do to me just because they gave me life. Now my answer to him is that my parent brought me to this filthy world because they have their biological reasons. They enjoyed their whole youth. They didn’t planned me. They even didn’t knew that I am gonna be a boy. I might be a girl. Might be a dead meat. Might be just nothing. As they enjoyed their youthful life, I cannot let my life go in dust. As I am alive now it is my life and I am god of my life. People are fool when they say that there is god. The god is within themselves. I am god. Don’t know for whom but I am confident for me.

All my life I just cried that why I ever born. I know I have a purpose but until or unless I am gonna see it I will continue to hunt for it. People who are bad to me will suffer. I will make them pay. This is my promise to myself. If there is a god he will help me because I am on the path of right. If there is no god then I will make my own path and no one in this whole universe has the right to judge me for my deeds. This life is mine and I will live it as I want.

Today I am sleeping with an empty stomach but what pains is not my stomach, it’s my empty heart. It beats but silently. It pains suddenly. It hurts much. And it cries endlessly. There is no one for me. And yeat I am for everyone. It is not in my nature to leave anyone in pain. I know I will do good even for my enemies because I forgive though I never forget them. It says that keep your friend close and enemy closer but what if friends become enemy?