My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

Good Morning friends, I know it’s a very nice winter morning outside. And you guys are probably enjoying it.no doubt I too wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. Because it is limited for a time. This is my first document over windows office 2013 preview. Being a techie, I must be happy for that. Thrilling, isn't it? yuppiee… ??? But a man who is too much sad, what he can to do except enjoying his sadness? No matter what.. They say that human beings can produce thousands of emotions but they forget to mention that if you are destined to show only one, you can’t show them at all, even if you try the most you can do is pretending, wearing a mask..

I too wanted to wear masks. To pretend. But I failed. Every time I try to wear of a mask, it fall off. It get burned, by none other than but me. A long absence was there from my site to this blog because there were so much random incidents happening in my life, o got confused. I thought that maybe, just maybe I have got something to be happy of and then again..

They again my luck showed me my place, which is in the darker side. I got friends, I lost more than I got. I fall for someone and yet she fallen for someone else. Life would be so easier without heart. Who do I get to see things which I can’t have? What the meaning of all these shit happening to me? Yes I am clueless now. Random thoughts hovering over my consciousness. I too wanted to live. Nothing is good now. Nothing seemed to be and now, I can’t believe that anything good is. Yes the one thing I am very good at being negative.

Yes my negativity doesn’t betrays me. It always stays with me, showing who is who and what is what. Makes me clear about the things, which otherwise will be unclear forever. Yes I am negative, I am a perfectionist, I seek negativity, maybe… but I also seek ways to make it correct. And when I fail to seek the way, well I don’t know but somehow it makes me sad. Yes sad. Depression is the last stage but primarily sad only.

Epic saga what my life has become. No wonder I see some cinematic dream love stories. My life is not less than them all. Yesterday one of my friend told me that I should go to see a movie “Jab Tak Hay Jaan”. He also said that I will like the movie only if I have understood love. I smiled and said to myself.. Yes, now I have to understand love.

I can clearly see that she is indulging with that other person. Repeatedly, I told her to clear up her intentions to me for him. If she is going after him, who proposed her even and she has a feeling for him, she should clear that to me. But every time I ask her she tell me that she likes me MORE THAN him. Every time I feel like being played, being cheated. Yes I have feelings for her. But who gave her right to play with me? Blackmail my emotions? I am totally not agreeing to the matter is that I am just a choice to her. I don’t like to be an option to her, to anyone. I hate to be someone’s plan B. she is testing him. FINE. But I would like to request her not to PLAY with me. NEVER

People at my home are not also very good. They are very selfish and very rude at talking, actually they don’t know how to behave properly, yet they expect me to behave with them like some sort of king & queen. Huh! Even they behave with their own son as a stepson, I just wonder how they will be behaving with someone from another place? I am talking about my future wife and their future daughter-in-law. They can’t behave with themselves even. From my point of view I can clearly see that my parents arranged marriage is a failure. Now living 25 years under same room doesn’t makes a relationship successful. It takes lots more than that.

I am just getting the aftermath of their mistakes, their misfit behaviours. My parents are so selfish and cruel that they even dreamt of a daughter, as maintaining a daughter is affordable and after her marriage she won’t be coming to get her nose into their business. They didn’t even let me do the job which I have got in my campus interview, yet they call me JOBLESS. They didn’t let me play any sports from childhood, and they call me INACTIVE. They didn’t allowed me to mix with anyone from childhood, didn’t let me to meet people in places, yet they call me FRIENDLESS and UNFRIENDLY and sometimes UNSOCIAL. They never allowed me to make female friends from childhood, yet they call me SHY now. The most nerve shattering is that when they takes credit for me being a GOOD (read DUMB) boy, when someone says so. It became their pride by destroying me. My mother left home, with her ego, for almost months, as I bought my first desktop at class 7. Now she takes full credit of me being a computer engineer. They never encouraged me to learn anything from childhood, never allowed me to do any extracurricular activity, yet now when I sing from my hobby and I sing good they take credit by saying that it’s their DNA in me that I can sing. It’s like I have no credit over there.

They put me in doing DUAL MASTERS DEGREE and yet they slang me every now and then as they are spending money after me for study. It’s like I have lost my freedom to breath, as I am doing dual degree. They don’t even allow my friends to come to home as it incur them additional cost to provide them with even a cup of tea. I am really so ashamed of their behaviour. Their money hungry nature is what I hate the most. For money they can do anything to any extent and it’s just sad. It’s like they are some mental patients.

From my parents I always got “good cop – bad cop” behaviour, it’s unbearable. A person will give you a money to spend, which is rightfully yours, other person will yell at you because you spent money, when you are returning the money in deep disgust, both the person would start melodrama, when you are bringing back the money they again start saying that you have no spine and you steal money. What is this?

Love Family Education Job Peace…. What is mine?

Who am i…