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Deprived of love yet so filled with it…

11:21 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

Sunday, probably the most anticipated day of the week. People are going outside, having fun, with friends and family. Dear & near ones are all unitedly having a blast. And some people are sitting idle planning for some good moves to happen to do. I can feel the agony of people residing in old age homes. The concept of western civilization may seems proper to many people of the young blood and probably justified for them as they have done the same with their parents and this is happening from generations now but still at some point of their lives they realize what they have done bad but there can only be confession but no salvation.

The life shows everyone everything, this is what they say. Life has many flavors  some might seems tasty from the far but in reality, it’s bitter like hell. Life is always greener on the other side. This is psychology. I am a knowledgeable person who keeps on learning. I am resourceful and I give the full knowledge to the people, well at least I try to. However, people thinks that I talk too much and most of my words are just plain blasphemy. But the truth is to know and feel my words your frequency of thought should match mine. Otherwise, no one can understand me. I know it’s a great problem for a person is about to become an MBA.

I should be studying by now but I am spending my time aimlessly. Yes this is wastage but no this is not going in vain. As life’s aim is not only to be a big person but to be a big man. I am giving time to myself to become what I always wanted to be. A nice hearted person and sometimes you need to be hurt in order to become strong. My feelings are very sensitive. They say I am a sensitive person, not fit for the current world. In here, I have to be rude and selfish. Yes, I tried but I couldn't  It seemed to backfire on me. I can be a very happy person if the situations are right. I do know how to have fun. But still to have fun you need some factors to be in your favor  Without air under wings even eagle can’t fly higher.

It’s a shame how people misuses their lives on petty things. Fighting, and judging others before they judge then selves. Social network, another medium where everything is available to grab. People become so much interested in others life that they forget that they too have a life to live. To me Facebook seems unimportant now a days. I don’t feel like doing it yet I stay available in it for most of the time because I use this like any other communication medium like telephone, so that people can get to me for a very negligible or otherwise free cost.

They say I am a cheapo who made his private number public in hope of get calls from girls over Facebook and other social sites but the truth is they don’t know how many technical help calls I attain in a day just to make someone’s life better and less problematic I keep on my phone all the time. I don’t thrive for the girl’s call as in India they generally does their work by a miscall. Its funny but anyways the point is my sole purpose is to solve problems. I am good at it. It gives me happiness. I feel like superman. Yes people forgets the help done to them but anyways I learn something new every day. That should be the purpose of life.

Yes I am a very negative person by nature but this is also true that I am positive to the people who are more negative than me so judging me by saying I am not positive all time doesn't means I am negative every time. The thing is that I can see hear and understand things more than others. This is a big problem with all, as they can’t hide the things they intend to and I have some bad habits of exposing them in the face. Call me fool or call me courageous but dear it tales hell of a ball of do such thing, to accept the truth and stand by it.

Sometimes some people who are close to me hurt me knowingly or unknowingly, but each and every time I let them know in full details that what part of their action hurt me more than anything but when I see the repetitions of the same, I become even more hurt. They say I shouldn't make someone or others my purpose of happiness. I value more, I care more that’s why I get hurt more. But I think I too have a purpose in this selfish universe, perhaps god have created me to spread love and care to whom who in need. Maybe I am a cursed angel. Deprived of love yet so filled with it…

Bye

Valentine Week..

10:28 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

The valentine weekend is going on. Love is everywhere and love is in the air now. There were many things happened to me. I visited Kolkata to my best friend and met with another good friend there. Watched a movie with my best friend. Somewhere deep within I knew it is all a lie I am living. What was happening then was a total lie. She is somebody else’s now. No matter how much I loved her she will always stay his. So the equation finally gets to the NULL. Sometimes I really envy him. Sometimes I really feel bad for myself.  I feel hollow. Everything seems so meaningless to me now a days. That’s why I stopped writing in my blog. What I am writing here? Why I would share my life here when no one cares about it? I always get the left over.

I am person full of care and love to give, yet I find no one who would value them. Is the world is so materialistic? When I start to take care for someone they take it for granted. They say they don’t need my care. Sometimes they say it in the other way. But when I get nothing back from them it really hurts. I know there is a nick of time in people’s life. But if they can’t spend a minute or two for you then really you don’t matter to them that much. Actually, the problem is the mismatch of life. People’s life are so saturated with loved and dear ones and on the other hand its me, lonely like a comet, rushing towards the unknown. I just want some time love and care. Is that a too much to ask? Isn’t it my minimum birth right being a human? How it feels like when the door gets slammed on your face? Yeah, that’s right. I feel the same.

My college has started. It was running, as any professional fulltime master’s degree should. Full of hardships. The second semester is very vital. All the core papers are in here. Every details of the computer engineering is here. I feel good to study them all but somewhere I know now that it is not the ultimate goal for me. I am made for something else, something big. I cannot restrict myself to a 4 x 4 cubicle typing all those codes into a machine, feeding a dumb machine to dance. NO, I am made for something really awesome. My call tells me that now it is not my choice to be what I want to be. Maybe that is why I am feeling aloof. There is a hard competition in the class, competition for studies, and competition for the position. Yes, also there were several challenges. I hardly find time these days. I thing I found very irritating is forcing students to buy the costly classmate copies for lab. Not everyone have same amount of money to spend. I don’t have it and I know many people don’t have it also.

Finally after 1 month of purchasing I installed windows 8 in my laptop. Yes for that, I had to buy a 2TB hard disk just to take the backup. Yes, windows 8 is nice. A few hiccups were there but now all of them are sorted out. The softwares are running smoothly. The apps are running great. All my files are working and I can also continue my programming. My laptop feels new again. The OS is much secure and faster than the previous ones.

I really miss my desktop. Don’t know what happened bad to its, no matter how hard I try to re-build it again from the scratch, I find hurdles in my way. I made so many plans about it. So many configurations and yet I fail to make it. Sometimes I don’t get money from my father to build it. Sometimes I don’t find the hardware in the local shop.

Facebook just another tool which is making people’s lives miserable. People are watching others and they r becoming jealous and restless. The peace of mind which should be found on the inner selves are being found in other’s page. Peeping on other’s lives have become a new hobby. Bullying & harassing others is now a fun object.

Every night I wish that the tomorrow will bring something good for me. And every morning I wake up cursing myself that why I woke up even? I have no need in this whole world. I am just a lonely below average fellow, and incomplete puzzle. Finding the answers of my being. The cause behind my life.

bye
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