Valentine Week..
10:28 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The valentine weekend is going on.
Love is everywhere and love is in the air now. There were many things happened
to me. I visited Kolkata to my best friend and met with another good friend
there. Watched a movie with my best friend. Somewhere deep within I knew it is
all a lie I am living. What was happening then was a total lie. She is somebody
else’s now. No matter how much I loved her she will always stay his. So the
equation finally gets to the NULL. Sometimes I really envy him. Sometimes I
really feel bad for myself. I feel
hollow. Everything seems so meaningless to me now a days. That’s why I stopped
writing in my blog. What I am writing here? Why I would share my life here when
no one cares about it? I always get the left over.
I am person full of care and love
to give, yet I find no one who would value them. Is the world is so
materialistic? When I start to take care for someone they take it for granted. They
say they don’t need my care. Sometimes they say it in the other way. But when I
get nothing back from them it really hurts. I know there is a nick of time in
people’s life. But if they can’t spend a minute or two for you then really you don’t
matter to them that much. Actually, the problem is the mismatch of life. People’s
life are so saturated with loved and dear ones and on the other hand its me,
lonely like a comet, rushing towards the unknown. I just want some time love
and care. Is that a too much to ask? Isn’t it my minimum birth right being a
human? How it feels like when the door gets slammed on your face? Yeah, that’s right.
I feel the same.
My college has started. It was
running, as any professional fulltime master’s degree should. Full of
hardships. The second semester is very vital. All the core papers are in here.
Every details of the computer engineering is here. I feel good to study them
all but somewhere I know now that it is not the ultimate goal for me. I am made
for something else, something big. I cannot restrict myself to a 4 x 4 cubicle
typing all those codes into a machine, feeding a dumb machine to dance. NO, I
am made for something really awesome. My call tells me that now it is not my
choice to be what I want to be. Maybe that is why I am feeling aloof. There is
a hard competition in the class, competition for studies, and competition for
the position. Yes, also there were several challenges. I hardly find time these
days. I thing I found very irritating is forcing students to buy the costly
classmate copies for lab. Not everyone have same amount of money to spend. I don’t
have it and I know many people don’t have it also.
Finally after 1 month of
purchasing I installed windows 8 in my laptop. Yes for that, I had to buy a 2TB
hard disk just to take the backup. Yes, windows 8 is nice. A few hiccups were
there but now all of them are sorted out. The softwares are running smoothly.
The apps are running great. All my files are working and I can also continue my
programming. My laptop feels new again. The OS is much secure and faster than
the previous ones.
I really miss my desktop. Don’t
know what happened bad to its, no matter how hard I try to re-build it again
from the scratch, I find hurdles in my way. I made so many plans about it. So
many configurations and yet I fail to make it. Sometimes I don’t get money from
my father to build it. Sometimes I don’t find the hardware in the local shop.
Facebook just another tool which
is making people’s lives miserable. People are watching others and they r
becoming jealous and restless. The peace of mind which should be found on the
inner selves are being found in other’s page. Peeping on other’s lives have
become a new hobby. Bullying & harassing others is now a fun object.
Every night I wish that the
tomorrow will bring something good for me. And every morning I wake up cursing
myself that why I woke up even? I have no need in this whole world. I am just a
lonely below average fellow, and incomplete puzzle. Finding the answers of my
being. The cause behind my life.
bye
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