05/07/2013 – Friday
12:22 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
My mouth is filled with the bitter
taste of medicines. My days are filled with utter disgust on the people I see,
the people I know. My times just go by doing nothing or sleeping or thinking
about just anything my windy mind can think of. Yet I crave for more sleep
because when I sleep I feel being awake in dreams, well most of them are nightmares,
but some of them are worth cherish for. I spend my times alone and this is what
should happen to me, a sad person. It’s like I am being into a nightmare for
more than I should be and now it is enough. A limbo state perhaps. Slowly I am
losing my ability to feel and care and maybe it’s good. I should be a numb
person because whatever I do, I do it too much. I should be controlled and this
is god’s answer to it. No matter what I do or what I want to do it always
leaves me screwed.
This day should be my last Friday
in freedom; another semester will start soon at same place, on same time, for
months after months and will end in another exam. Same old faces, same old
mentalities, which disgusts me like nothing. I have to bear it all, bear it all
on my own. I know some new will happen but I also know that the results will be
same old things, which I will be predicting through the time. I am so confident
about it.
Today I heard the good news about
her marriage getting almost fixed to a nice rich settled person and he is known
to her family also. All the best of luck for her. I wish her all the happiness
which I couldn't give to her. Well at least she thought that I can’t give to
her. I am not settled yet, I can’t be in 3 more years, I am not rich and not up
to her social status’ mark. And I am not a prince charming type person and no,
I am not underestimating myself. I am so common a person. There is nothing
special in me, well not yet.
No matter how much romantic movie
a person will see, he/she will always listen to their own brain at the end.
This is the main fact in real life. I fantasize a lot of things in my free
time, well I have lots of free time if you know because my brain is very
futile. Can’t share all of them here.
bye
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