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20/06/2013 – Thursday

12:10 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
This is my blog article number three. I am Feeling not well today. Didn’t attainted my MBA class, though there would be no student besides me for today in the class I thought it would be better if I skip the class for today, for greater good, So that other will not feel deprived. I am feeling very much bored. Passing my times watching movies and playing games. It would have be a good life if I would have someone to share my life with. Loneliness again becomes a burden to me.

These days I am playing the game Alan Wake. Nice psychological horror game but it feels boring maximum times. My best male friend used to visit my home these days for the game. I don’t know what but I really feeling from inside that our relationship has become now a days just a formality between two old friends. I miss that hearty feeling. People are coming to me just for the needs and that’s what I hate about it. There is no one for me. I feel like getting used day by day.

My state is now in threat. Threat from the politicians, be it the ruling or the opposition party. And the lives of innocents are at stake. Who is responsible for all these pandemonium? Media is showing news, politicians are blaming others, people are dying, end of story. And continuation of the cycle. World is filled with power hungry selfish people, people whose words and actions don’t match. Don’t we see sae type of people in history, In present time and in our daily lives? People are using other people to get up to the ladder.

I know I have to study more because only this is the thing, which is mine, but I really sometimes get confused about my sole motto about studying and gathering knowledge. What would be the use of becoming a complete idiot, a duffer as well as a master’s degree holder? I have become unsocial I think as the day going on I am going to the dark. Day by day its killing my soul. I am becoming too much negative. I can see peoples lie clearly, their faults, their masks. How to trust these kind of people whose real face is exposed to you? The answer is you cant and the result is that you have to become lonely.

There are people who don’t know how and when to take decisions and yet they criticise and question upon other’s decision when someone made that for them. Instead of appreciation the decision maker, have to face their idiotic rebellion. And this is not it, when no one is doing anything they all will say that there is nothing happening but when someone start to do something they will try their level best to stop it. Its like talking about progress yet holding its back to happening. This two faced nature is very similar to the politicians, and why that will not be? After all politicians are the faces of some people. We are all politicians by birth and that’s what Chanakya said. And it is truth by word.

I don’t know but I personally feel that India, my Indian needs a better system. Because the system is the MAIN problem here. The main problem of the system is that there is no system at all. The spine has broken already and now we are going towards full paralysis. Our lands and lives are at stake. In this regard, I think Quran Sharif is right, we have to protect our “Zan Zar & Zameen”. Day by day the incident of rape and utmost brutality are becoming reality of lives. Politicians are taking our money, ruling our lives, killing our innocent families. Men are not coming forward to stand for the right because everyone is afraid of something. they are helpless in front of the power. The power is the main problem of our Indian system. Mr Churchill was right, we Indians are not capable of managing our own country. We are really savages, that’s why we are eating up the country and its people. This cannibalistic approach is what makes us animals and we are made to rule, rule by others. Because we don’t have any proper system I feel British rule was right and it’s still needed to rule the India.

It’s the British who made us literate isn’t? And in lieu of that they took all our wealth and we had someone to blame for the country but now it’s our own people who are looting us day by day, yet we can’t do anything for it. They gave us culture by destroying ours, yes it’s true but did we really had any culture? I mean burning a widow shouldn’t be considered as a culture. I guess the idea of burning a young widow came to mind of our so-called ancestors to cover up their sexual lusty enjoyment with that widow and if she refuses to serve their lust in the name of Dev-Dasi then she had to be burnt. The monks should not wed, but it is not said that they don’t have sex with anyone. With several excuses, they find the way to engage in sex in the name of rituals. Be it tantric or the need to GOOD child to the royal bloodline. They always find a way to have some. And this is not only about Indian it is equally true about all the religions of the world that they do things in the name of religion, in the name of god. But the western culture was evolved many a times ago while we were still be in our savages. This is ridiculous. Don’t you think so?

Just sleeping in my bed, I was thinking many things about the world and its people. In a global thinking, can we be considered as a good civic society? Other cultures show their best and hide their bad but our culture is transparent. This is good thing; it is as ugly inside as outside. So you can see as a human this is a global problem. Are you really evolved?


The answer lies in our past.

14/06/2013 - Friday

12:08 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Today is the Friday. The 7th day. No one has come up forward who are really missing me. This is unacceptable perhaps but good for me. Maybe if someone has come I would have become weak. And I don’t like to be weak. I know what it feels like to be weak. I have been weak. I know the pain and agony. I am still wounded and still feel the need of strength. Every time I go to temple I pray to god to give me more strength, more strength to stand against all odd. To be brave enough on the path of truth. They say to conquer your fears you must become the fear but my biggest fear is my reality, my loneliness. Maybe god is preparing me for something big. Maybe he is preparing me for something else. I am slowly cutting all the strings from myself. One day the world would know for sure about me.

Yesterday I told someone to give me company today on the first day first show of superman but she didn’t responded. As with all other who didn’t responded to me anyway I asked them for anything. I only wonder why I am the only one who don’t say NO. I must learn to say NO otherwise people will take me a as a cheap available person. People really behave with me in same manner. Yes maybe I am psychologically inadequate to handle the stress and the crisis of my life that’s why I pray to be strong. I pray to be bold. I pray to the divine energy to give me a part of it.

Living in this huge world alone is a tough full time job indeed and when you find your inner self lost and your soul dead, you lost your will to live. Isn’t it? Have it ever occurred to you that you too have a reason and when this fool’s hope breaks all heal get loose on you. Didn’t it? I guess not everyone has a purpose; some people are for just to fill the brigade, like accessories.

I find everyone has someone, or some work to do. A thing which is dear to them and they are so indulged in it that they lose their sight from other things. They start to ignore others. As they don’t know or may have forgotten how it’s been like to be ignored they keep on doing so until they lose it and then realise its value. But the thing is lost and perhaps forever. People are so concerned about themselves and their loved ones that they don’t care for others and even if they care it’s out of sympathy. Personally, I hate living of someone’s sympathy. It suck, big time. I mean your sole purpose of existence can’t be dependent on other’s. Freedom is everyone’s right on this free world and if it’s not given to you, you must fight for it and the worst fight is to fight with yourself. Isn’t it the true meaning of Jihad?

I don’t know why people have so narrow sight in their life and so small of a heart that gets filled up when a person enters in it. Is the love is like a pizza? Does it gets smaller by giving the pieces away? I thought love is the biggest gift of god to humankind and its never-ending source of treasure a one can have. But people todays are no longer capable of holding such a big heart filled with empathy, they can only show sympathy but they will never be with you unless they need you. The global business this is, to give and take and sometimes to take without giving anything, it is considered as biggest profit.

And there lies a fool person, me, who does everything in reverse order than the world and that’s why he is an outcast. Isolated from the world, misunderstood by them, loved by none and hated by many. No matter how much I loved to be with something it has been taken from me and I kept on telling myself that I need to love more. How can they betray me when I have given them so much of me? are they all happy? Yes. Am I happy? No, I am not. The biggest reason for my unhappiness is perhaps me. my expectations are too high or I must say that I maintain too high of a standard which is hard for others to follow.

Do you have what it needs to be called as friend? The qualities? Look into your eyes and say…
I wanna hear.

13/06/2013 - Thursday

12:06 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I am now totally out of cyber world. Even if I had some of the cravings of it, it has ended I think. I won’t disagree that I don’t want to go back to there, but what will be the use? I don’t want to go back to that place filled with relative strangers. We live at same place, we do similar things, maybe in different ways, we are so common but still we all are strangers. I haven’t found any loner like me in there, hardly I come across individuals with unique soul. They all are same. This is the remorse; would I ever find anyone worthy?

Yesterday I had to take sleeping pills, once again, I gambled myself with no desire to wake up, I embraced the darkness and wanted to sleep into it. I know if I would have been writing this whole thing in my mother language it would have been a lyrical poem of modern age but alas! I have promised myself to write in the most famous language in the world, The English, for my blog. And I keep my promises. I mean what I have, to give. Except my words? Words are the only things, which understand me, maybe.

I am writing, writing after many days. From past 6 days I had been keeping a small roaster, films and films. Only through the films I find my freedom. My mind wanders away from scenes to scenes to script to script. Almost saw 300 films. Those who are regular at here or my profiles know how fast I am in the matter of watching films. I now many people will find it absurd but I know the truth that what I am. People used to mock to me to go any movie house or film studio or perhaps contacting any media-publishing firm to write reviews from them.

Isn’t it amusing that I am a computer engineer who watches films, reads religious texts, speaks of philosophy, listens to hip hop, aspires to be a hard core management guru and yet writing blog in a faulty broken language which most people will give a good laugh if they look at it even. Isn’t it really funny, how much funny mixture my life is? Or maybe it’s a satiric art film where the hero dies at the end by cancer and yet shadows dance and glorify the death?

No, its not mixed up, its messed up. I’m 22+ and I am still single, virgin, lonely and maybe slowly reaching towards the end to become unsocial. Oh! Yes I know what you say “Ramen, you are frustrated man, take a chill pill, everything is going to be all right.” Isn’t it? However, my dear fellow earth mate, isn’t 22+ with a very sensitive mind filled with feelings are enough to gather experience of a century? I mean the world is so fast here and if I walk slow, wont it be feeling like on a moving train and everything in side is just going backward and in fast motion?

People are fighting for each other’s blood, and men are shedding blood for love. Their love are playing with them. People, so called modern people are playing games in the name of love and some fools are falling in it in the name of love. They say “love conquers all” but they perhaps didn’t knew the truth that love is a small poem which starts with Chocolate and ends in condom. After one packet it’s all finished, lucky are the one whose empty packets warn about fat and cholesterol rather than pregnancy. But what if people lose their fear from any warning? Our animal comes out. Human is the only animal which can play with their mind. The last weapon as I say.

Everyone has some bomb shelter in their life, where they know that they will be safe no matter what happens to them, but I have nothing except some mirages and some weak buildings whose base are made with lies. They say no relation should grow upon the base of lies but they also say that to keep any kind of relationship, some small doses of lies are essential. How small, they don’t explain properly perhaps they left it on the users discretion. And we human users are more prone to misuse.

Do you too?
Bye
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