14/06/2013 - Friday
12:08 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Today is the Friday. The 7th
day. No one has come up forward who are really missing me. This is unacceptable
perhaps but good for me. Maybe if someone has come I would have become weak.
And I don’t like to be weak. I know what it feels like to be weak. I have been
weak. I know the pain and agony. I am still wounded and still feel the need of
strength. Every time I go to temple I pray to god to give me more strength,
more strength to stand against all odd. To be brave enough on the path of
truth. They say to conquer your fears you must become the fear but my biggest
fear is my reality, my loneliness. Maybe god is preparing me for something big.
Maybe he is preparing me for something else. I am slowly cutting all the
strings from myself. One day the world would know for sure about me.
Yesterday I told someone to give
me company today on the first day first show of superman but she didn’t
responded. As with all other who didn’t responded to me anyway I asked them for
anything. I only wonder why I am the only one who don’t say NO. I must learn to
say NO otherwise people will take me a as a cheap available person. People
really behave with me in same manner. Yes maybe I am psychologically inadequate
to handle the stress and the crisis of my life that’s why I pray to be strong.
I pray to be bold. I pray to the divine energy to give me a part of it.
Living in this huge world alone
is a tough full time job indeed and when you find your inner self lost and your
soul dead, you lost your will to live. Isn’t it? Have it ever occurred to you
that you too have a reason and when this fool’s hope breaks all heal get loose
on you. Didn’t it? I guess not everyone has a purpose; some people are for just
to fill the brigade, like accessories.
I find everyone has someone, or
some work to do. A thing which is dear to them and they are so indulged in it
that they lose their sight from other things. They start to ignore others. As
they don’t know or may have forgotten how it’s been like to be ignored they
keep on doing so until they lose it and then realise its value. But the thing
is lost and perhaps forever. People are so concerned about themselves and their
loved ones that they don’t care for others and even if they care it’s out of
sympathy. Personally, I hate living of someone’s sympathy. It suck, big time. I
mean your sole purpose of existence can’t be dependent on other’s. Freedom is
everyone’s right on this free world and if it’s not given to you, you must
fight for it and the worst fight is to fight with yourself. Isn’t it the true
meaning of Jihad?
I don’t know why people have so
narrow sight in their life and so small of a heart that gets filled up when a
person enters in it. Is the love is like a pizza? Does it gets smaller by
giving the pieces away? I thought love is the biggest gift of god to humankind
and its never-ending source of treasure a one can have. But people todays are
no longer capable of holding such a big heart filled with empathy, they can
only show sympathy but they will never be with you unless they need you. The
global business this is, to give and take and sometimes to take without giving
anything, it is considered as biggest profit.
And there lies a fool person, me,
who does everything in reverse order than the world and that’s why he is an
outcast. Isolated from the world, misunderstood by them, loved by none and
hated by many. No matter how much I loved to be with something it has been
taken from me and I kept on telling myself that I need to love more. How can
they betray me when I have given them so much of me? are they all happy? Yes.
Am I happy? No, I am not. The biggest reason for my unhappiness is perhaps me.
my expectations are too high or I must say that I maintain too high of a
standard which is hard for others to follow.
Do you have what it needs to be
called as friend? The qualities? Look into your eyes and say…
I wanna hear.
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