My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

Hii guys,

Ya its me.its always me writing in this blog.day by day.week after week.bt no one of u cares.ist it guys?gosh today is one hell of a day it was.my morning started at 6 trying to snatch out some more little extra time to stay on bed.then i just recalled that today is 27^th and we have a puja at home today.i got up and guess what i started doing orkut.dnt know why bt maybe i felt vey suffocated being without net especially orkut.i dint missed my frnds.i missed just orkuts.why?the question remains unanswered

Then i took the bath,i mean its seriously very early for me bt though i took the bath.then i do the little sun worshipping and after that i waited for the priest to come.and he finnaly came late at 10:30.ya i was very happy to see today that argha and biswa came.saumya came too.bt as he was busy with studies he came little late.i distributed the prasaad to each of the flat members.

Today is Dipanwita di’s birthday also bt maybe she is very busy for her exam.i wished her both in sms and orkut.i never gt a taste of the love of elder brothers and sisters.maybe god don’t want me to have any.

I talked to Monideepa today.we chatted much.actually it will continue more if my cell wudnt ran out of balance.dnt know she is happy or nt to talk to me or she become more sad after talking with me i don’t know what i know that i was very happy to hear her voice.maybe like always the talking will go to THAT part so its maybe good that my balance gets 0 and she didn’t call me back.bt still i think why didn’t she called me back to bid me good bye?she wud have do that.i does that all the time.this time she didn’t well i dnt have any right to mind.bt still she could...anyways

Today i saw wake up sid.nt a very famous movie.not a masterpiece.nt a blockbuster.bt a very sweet love story which is actually like mine.nah nt love bt the story is like mine.it has also the same thing of realization of love.as i m facing in my life,well almost except that i m nt rich in my life.i m very poor.

I m so poor that i cant eat today.i cant get any good food of town as its way to costly for my pocket.my pocket is dry as any well of rajasthan.i told my father today for a special tiffin today and requested him to bring it himself.everyday i go out to do my tiffin.today i asked him for that.he refused because he had to take his elder sister to any homeopathy shop.i mean they have problems everytime.and for that everytime they call jy father to solve that and because of that my father go to them leaving us.and this time again me.i even told him to get dinner.bt he did refused that also.he cant because he is tired.ya he paid me some money which i thought to spend bt for my unfortunate luck i get no food shop open.and i m nw starving.sleeping hungry.ya i will continue to sleep hungry until he bring me what i wanted for.maybe i m arrogant.bt thats what i m....i m me...proud to be me...

Maybe at the end of the day just now i hurted Kuntalika & Ratri by my rude words.bt what can i do.i was hurt too and the whole day passed they didn’t even cared to giv me any reply miscls.they dnt need me so they dnt miss me.they all tell lies about making me their frnd bt in reality i m nt more than any plain old orkut frnd.which bored them.which irritated and disturbes them all the time because he cn give miscals and he have free sms.maybe i sud have to let them loose.let then go.let them set free.give her some space.maybe i m suffocating them.strangling their time and privacy.i sudnt.i wil stop it by now..

Actually you know what?there are many people who sleep empty stomach.does fasting almost each day.why i m so upset of being empty nw? Its not a big deal.isnt it?one day i m gonna pay all the monetary debts which i had for my father & mother is i had any.atleast they will nt scold me for that.

What i learned today?well considering wake up sid.i guess i m hard to wake up than sid.what he is acting i m living.i m also like him.last in every stage.ya he is indeed a good photographer bt i dnt have any qualities.ya i can make food bt he learnt that.bt bbasic thing is that REALIZATION.unless u realize anything u cant do anything.not anything good.and i perhaps havnt realized anything..

Well atleast tomorrow i m going to collg just to meet up with my frnds.i m happy abt that.lets see what happens next..

Bye bye

Helly guys,

This is me again.well its quite night ,actually midnight.na na i m nt gone complete crazy i just need to tell some more things.

1^st Riya stopped contacting me of any kind.maybe she is having exam bt this is only her alibi i think because she can certainly giv me miscls in return.is she angry with me because of my investigation for aniket da?bt i said sorry tpo her and made all clear to her.then? she even don’t tell me hws her exams r going?i heard from a source that she all time texts from her Vodafone mobile with her fnrds bt she don’t even gv me a miscal.after i said that to her she didn’t doing it.she is like this from all the time.from the past bt will she dnt change for me?am i nt her frnd?didnt i done many things for her?she only remembers when she needs anything.never enquired that i m alive or dead.ya the problem is with me always.i knew that.maybe she thinks me of a bad boy because i dared to love her sister and maybe she thought that either i m loving her or i sud love her which i didn’t and nt doing.why she is doing that to me.she knew perfectly that i dnt have much good frnds and she is one of my few good frnds whom i actually trust.bt each time i m getting hurt by her behaviour my trust is decaying slowly.i dnt know hw long i gonna hold on.bt certainly it is examining my patience.and i m nt a very patient guy.

2^nd Debaleena is gone complete crazy after her bf who is almost 11 years older than her.and she now decided to not to call others specially boys and nt to do anything without the permission of her bf.i mean what kind of bf he is who thiks his gf as his personal property? I know she cant live like this.i know her very much and from many days.god .. some people have luck.she already had much trouble with that ger bf already yet she loves her so much that she went mad for him.and doing nuts. ya know her that she is little bit crazy.from her very early days.but i cant believe she is doing this to herself.dnt she feels suffocated?is she becomes a robot for that guy?pathetic.she said she will nt give any explanation.she dnt want quarrel.she stopped me from sending her sms because her guy dnt like that.what an ex-planation !! and she will use only the sim card which her bf will provide and she will need to take permission if she wants to call anyone.shit.its like shr has been sold to that guy.i don’t know what happen bt a girl behaves like this only if she gets married of she is intimate with this guy.what a mess.....nah i cant see this.......good luck debo.may god be with you.

3^rd Today its just a small high spin in the air for say 10 minutes nt long and nw it is so hot that we have to run AC to cool down ourselves.i mean then what the use of this raining?raining and ice chunk [i dnt know the English of it properly] fall from sky? Thunder storm? Where is much hyped Laila? No sign of decreasing heat and if it decreases then humidity increases so much that again we have to run ac.

4^th frequent powercut just made our life hell.while all the political parties arefighting with each other for the sake of their chairs no one is caring for us.we are the one who are suffering from this hot wether and loadsheddings.we cant run our houses and our shops.we are nt the rich guys like them hw can we manage our family needs?are we guys are ultimate loosers?

5^th i m missing my collg and my frnds very much.dnt know why bt home has become the most boring and irritating place for me.

6^th i just thought to sell fo the MTS connection. just because i m getting scolded evrytime i mention that i have to recharge that modem with money.i finally decided to sell it out,.i already mentioned it in my selling items.

7^th Ratri is not letting me help her out.she is already so obsessed with her sorority that she wants to be in sadness forever.i mean what the use of being sad? When u can be just happy? I tried a lot bt still i m just an orkut frnd to her.when i said that to her she said that i m talking gibberish bt i talk only what i feel.and i m feeling hated.ignored.she dnt notice my affection towards her.she might even thinking of another topper bt not me.she didint learnt that good marks doesn’t means a good man.she is maybe thinking of me as a fake man.she dnt trust me.she only said good words to me because she dnt want to me to get hurt.i know that all bt a man’s works speaks more than his intentions.she dnt care for me anymore.no one cares for me.i knew that.its not just abt her of anything.its just my god damn luck.

8^th ya sometimes i ask myself did i done justise to the girl who loved me?but the problem is that what problem she has she cant make out them even i make then out she cant make over them.ehy wud she change when there is no guarantee of acceptance?ya its logical for her to get angry on me.ignore me.run away from me.bt i m helpless.my family dnt supports me.she has a doubt in herself.and her doubt is making my doubt stronger thats why i came up to this hard dececion that we sud depart from each other for the sake of good of each other.it is nt that i didn’t loved her but i think only love is not enough to make a stable relationship.she is nt the girl i want and i m nt the man she deserves.she deserves more than me.my future is dark and hanging hers is not on other hand.she is smart good looking educated and she has a dream and future too.she has a love marriage written on her palms and at tender ages.and in my palms it is arrange marriage at a late age.all things come to me at a late age and with much sufferings and trials.even our kundali doesn’t matches.my mom didn’t liked her.well after my mom’s heart broke when my EX left me she is going frantic over these.she now wants a bnride of her own choice for me.if i can bring one of her choice then she wud accept or otherwise she will also accept bt not from open heart and i cant bring any girl to this hell whole without nt letting her know all abt me and my family that what i told to her ,to give me more time to know her and to let her know abt all myself and my family.we have plenty of time in our hands.we can do that but as she is very restless and impatient and aggressive she sticks to her words.if she wud have been given me time......but then again i cant stop thinking abt her.why godf plays with me and my happiness.whenever i get happy i get hurt also and it always teaches me that happiness are fragile ..sadness is truth.do i look handsome when i m sad?i don’t know why god do that to myself.what fault i have done?why god do this to me all the time? Sudnt i have some rights for a HAPPYLY EVER AFTER type life where everything is allright and according to the plan?no no no maybe i m thinking too much or it is the stress which is messing with my logical mind.

Once Riya said to me that whenever i feel to speak to antone bt find no one i sud write then down on the diary.she said she does that.i started writing diaries.ya it felt very good to me.bt i burnt the diary because i feared that what if someone reads that?bt now i m writing same kind of material in my blog.why i do that?if i m writing a blog then why i burnt down my diary?and if i have done that why i m writing my blog here?i don’t know that or what is messing with my mind.surely what i m doing is nt good and nt bad either....its unspoken.

We have a satyanarayan puja tomorrow.well today actually it is half past midnight so the day has started bt as of us Indians day wont begun until the sun rises.we do this kind of puja in hope for getting good luck for house and family and seeimg the condition of us we definitely need this kind of puja every week.because we are all out of luck.our house is filled with hatred, quarrel, illness, problems, proverty, dissatisfaction... its like bad omen is haunting us all the time.whenever we plan for any good something bad happens.it seems that i m the unlucky charm.thats right.i m a very unluck person.and i m unlucky for my close ones too.they all feel it bt cant say it.there is always so complicacies with me.all time.from the beginning...

Its already 2 pages in word so i dnt wanna make this blog more boring for u guys.so its time for me to say good bye.any comments wud be appreciated.

Bye
Gd n8
Take care
love u all....
advance good morning and have a very happy & lucky day..may god with u.

Hello guys,

Missed me?i know u don’t cause no one of u guys care that i m writing of not or im here or not.i m living or dying.if u does then u wud have leave any connects on any of my contact medium.but nah u don’t.I know i havnt wrote for several days.it doesn’t that i was ill or anything like that.nor i was too busy.ya i was lazy.i m a lazy fellow.very lazy.so lazy that i even sometimes forget to bath & brush.nah i m nt a workaholic.i rather i keep running away from work.specially study.bt yeah if i get anything curious then i become just opposite.no not these days i m busy converting my orkut profile into a miniature ebay but there were certain things which i get involved.and those things are nt any important one.

You know sometimes you have to lost urself completely for the sake of nothing.in my case i have done that too.why i m writing today this blog? seriously i dnt know though i dnt have internet connection today.maybe the line is broken somewhere.but it is maybe the mood of mine which inspires me to write the blog today.

Today i m feeling very alone.very isolated.cut off from the world.insomniac?perhaps ..though i have evry equipments to get connected bt the social world suddenly seems very boring.why i don’t know.maybe i m missing someone very close and dear.who left the orkut for some days and suddenly the whole orkut becomes saltless.ya i have gain lot more fnrds and among those i have gt a very close new frnd names Kuntalika.she is a very nice girl.calm quiet sober mannerfull.very frndly.treats me good.she is very open minded yet very sophisticated.she is nt like other girls who completely gone insane for the name of fashion she is just like any other girl bt with midas touch.she is from Bengali [vernaculer] medium like me.she is a fine painter.singer.dancer.teacher.very good frnd.i don’t know i met many girls bt after meeting her i m getting a positive vibe.dnt know what she is or what she think of me bt in 48 hours she became a very good frnd of mine.a close frnd. ya its true i dnt know more abt her bt i know this for sure that she is very good girl.ya i know maybe i was wrong all the time uunderstanding peoples ..well girls actually bt again i hope against the hope and bliv that this girl is nt like others who just make frnds for fun.currently talking with her through sms.she is so open minded that she knows the true meaning if frndship and love.she knows the difference and she knows the basics.she is a hell of a frnd for anyone.she wants to become a fine artist.thats very modern.imean she is nt bounded by the thinking that without getting a degree of doctor or engineer life wud be finished.

In other side my another best frnd Ratri gt a heartbreak when her topper bf ditches her after telling her lie that his father is against their relationship.lastly he declares that they are not meant for each other.she is completely brokedown.and nw she just want to die.i m feeling very sorry abt her.i liked her.i even proposed her once.she didint accepted me telling me that she cant be a good gf for me bt she liked that boy from earlier times.if she even tells me abt that i wud nt have proposed her.its kinda embarrassing you know to propose and getting refused when i was 100% sure that she will gonna accept me.bt...anyways.now i dnt want her to cry.i cant see her in tears.she is a gud frnd of mine.hw can i let it be?i always try to give her company to share her loneliness to share her sorrow bt she wont let me do this all time.even today she went to sleeping while talking to me it doesn’t that she felt s;eepy bt she dnt want to talk with me maybe she is thinking that i m taking another chance on her in her this poor situation.bt she is completely wrong.what mistake i have done before i dnt gonna repeat that again.i know i m nt suitable for her and family.i m nt a topper.bt i hope one day she will realize that nt all study toppers are life toppers.life is the biggest hurdle which a man have to cross swiftly.then he can only become a real topper.unless he does that everything is fake.every thing is cheap.

I m using docomo for someday because it has unique 100 local sms/day facility at the price of 3 sms.becausei used to send sms from internet for free and nw i dnt have my internet connection well i have bt i have fulfilled my monthly cap and i dnt want to get scolded bt my parents again for excess bill.i dnt have any good balance in my phones too.i dnt call much these days.i dnt have anyone to call.i m completely alone in the world.people come and stay and then go.no one stays eternal.i accepted it.this whole world is like a station.the why wud my heart be an exception?

Well that miscall problem hasn’t over yet.i know the guy who is doing that.i have gathered all the proofs to get him behind bars i m just waiting for the correct time.i will beat him first then put him behind bars.he dnt know what i m capable of.i even traced his number and ip.and i m sure police hearquarters can do it so easily.i hav even contacted my known person at Lalbazar [Indian police harquarters] for that and he told me what to do now.and i m following his words.ha ha ha.

I have a peculiar pain in my both foot.at first i thought that it would be for my increased uric acid bt though i m taking the hight power medicine daily twice my pain remains the same and its increasing and staying all the time nt like previous one when i had pain only after i woke up.i even used some painkiller ointments bt they r in vain.i dnt know what happens bt its paining and at last i m using a homeopathy medicine.i hav completed one vial and nw taking 2^nd vial.dnt know what gonna happen.bt i m very worried abt that..

My laptop is having problem continuasly.i m using kaspersky 2010 IS and its using too much juice out of my lappy.i m thinking of buying a Graphix Card between XFX ATI Readon 5770HD and 5750HD.can choose between themboth are almost same.where 5750 is low pricy bt its rarely available.other hand 5770 is readily available bt costly.bt i have to buy one as without the card my desktyop is becoming junk day by day and i want my happy desktop back at any cost.

Ya today i m missing Monideepa also.she is my good frnd.good classmet.bt dnt know i m missing all my collg,all my frnds,the canteen,the dhaba,and ofcource moni’s long hair choti.which i used to pull all day.ha ha ha.if i m missing just 10 months of my collg time i cant dare to think hw it gonna feel to leave the collg for life after 2 more years?maybe i will become more mature.

Ya i made lots of spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes in this blog and i want to leave them in this blog intentionally i dnt want to let all know that i use word for my drafting and also i want to keep my uniqueness in this blog so that my followers and readers get a private touch.nt any robotic touch.ha ha ha.what u say dear?should i correct all my mistakes or just leave them ?. i m waiting for ur comments.

Bye bye
best of luck for the exam guys..
take care......