Another New Year, 2014...
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First of all Happy New Year to all. Hope you have all had fun and superb holidays, family gathering and vacations. I had my Kolkata tour. It was not very funny, nor it was very refreshing but it was indeed a breath of fresh air to me, to my rotten life out here. People would say I underestimate everything, especially my life, myself and the things I have. I maybe an unsatisfied soul but i never underestimated anything. I am a realist myself. I see truth, I seek truth and I am deprived of truth. I am really sick of my life. Its not enough. Its a hell hole with infinite incompleteness. I am suffering in it. I have lots to tell but do I have the proper audience? The question, I ask to myself every time I start to write something.
I will not recall 2013 as it would be pointless to recall an empty year like all the year i have spent. I gained some people in my life, they became important and eventually they betrayed and made me more alone. They left me to rot in hell while I cried alone. But I am not weak. I took my time, i stood again, i ditched all the grudges and all possible temptation for revenge. I forgave them all but i also learned that no one is mine. I am all alone myself. There is no one sad for me, neither anyone is happy. People are fake and they pretend many things. I learned that i should not get mesmerized by their vivid sparkling colorful feathers, they are as naked as any vulture in their own self. Its just about time when they start to show their own co lours.
I lost my only two best friends, one of my close brother like person, couple of girlfriends and many many so called friends, especially friends coming from an extremely filthy space called Facebook and maybe that is for good. I don't like formal relationships, they are good in corporate world. They are not welcome in my personal life. I would like to have relationships in minimal quantity but in optimal quality as for me relationship is a serious thing not the casual business of hire & fire. I gained some fat in my body and its mainly due to my immense indulgence in my sheer depression. I did many things and accomplished some goals preselected by me. Should i be proud of those? But why? Isn't it the normal things for every human being to set a goal, design a path and walk on it until its reached then what i have done so special to brag about? NOTHING.
Yes!, NOTHING is what is left in my life. I lost all my appetite to live and enjoy. I am living as my fleshly body is alive. I eat, drink, pee, poop & do all other regaler fleshly activities because its a need to body. But my mind, is dead, dead of hunger as its deprived of what it so craved for. I don't want to mention it here because i know i will never get it. Its what happening in my real life and its whats written in my birth chart. I am a loner, i am a lovelorn person. I should stay alone and i should stop caring about others because there is no one to care for me.
One of my friend said to me that i get indulged so much in other people’s life. Its maybe true. But without indulgence no relation survives and yes friendship is also a relation. So my friend is wrong about her perception about life and friendship. What she has stated to me represents her view and acceptability and eligibility as a friend. What she can give to her friends. She don't care about anyone. She don't follow anyone’s statement. She don't bother about any person’s life or death. For her she is prime and everything else is secondary. Well i understand that she have conceived this mind setting for some gruesome incident in her life. Perhaps she has tasted some bitter nuts but for that generalizing the life of every living soul is just not right.
Maybe the real friendship and real everything has been lost these days, especially this days of fake things, artificial things. We consume artificiality, we give artificiality and we have adopted to it. We don't accepted gold if it don't sparkle. We don't value things unless it has been lost. We mourn in real life but show our so called awesomeness in social media. We love to pretend, we love to get pretended. We love our false lives so much that often we forget the barriers between it. We take pictures not for memory, but for showoff. We dress up to make others naked. We don't deserve anymore to be called as humans, we are mere shadows of them. Real human has died with the fall of humanity. What is left are just hungry ghosts whose want for hunger is ever increasing. We all are black hole in ourself, we consume ourselves at last and we blame it on others.
What you guys think?
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