Exam time and my life ....
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Finally yesterday I blocked her on
Facebook and I am feeling good now. I should have blocked her months ago. I didn’t.
And that’s why I got betrayed second time by her. Betraying someone in love is
the worst thing you can do. Because the person trusts you from heart, it’s easy
to betray. Anyways I don’t want to discuss about the past. I am just very happy
that I did. People tend to promise and then they forget about it. Some people
came into my life saying I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU and then they disappear. Two faced
creatures. Very common these days. Very quickly some people came into my life
and gone, some came again and gone like they have gone in first time. In their
need people will remember you and in your need you will not find their traces. I
know it’s good to be busy.
MBA Exams are not going very good
for me. Not getting much movies to view and people are so damn busy to get
their stuff done. I have no one and I have no expectation from anyone. I don’t watch
TV as it consists of 300+ useless channels. I love watching news online,
advertisement & bullshit free. I play games usually but I guess my game
playing days are coming to end soon. Couple of years from now I will be having
a job where I have to be present and I couldn’t have any time for download and
watch. Maybe I will start to get films on rent or will go to theatres for the
show but then again my numbers would drop. I stopped reading books now a days
because I have lost my patience. I want everything at once. I don’t have time
for reading books or doing Facebook all day long.
But then again the question comes
that for what exactly my times are getting wasted? I don’t play games all the
time, nor I watch movies, I don’t do much web surfing, downloading doesn’t requires
my personal time, I don’t read books, I don’t study properly though I am doing
2 masters degrees at a time. Yes I do go to my college regularly but then again
I get bored there mostly. The class is filled with relative strangers and they
are more selfish than the online people who reside in my friend list. They are
the leeches. They get what they want and then they leave. Basically people are
like that from the core of them. I stopped serving the EXTRA content to them now.
Let them burn. I don’t care now for them as they didn’t cared for mine. Am I being
selfish? Is the god testing me? Well tell you what, FUCK THEM all. I am god of
my own life. God gave the people problems and solutions of it and then they
game the free will and the whole equation got messed up. His system is
corrupted. And so is he. He favours the people who are dishonest from the heart
and he makes suffer the people who are honest.
I am alone indeed and I am also
looking for a partner and the options I am getting, mostly online are not of my
taste. I want a good one. A balanced one. Not just anyone. I am desperate but
not to that extent that I would ruin my life for eternity. I don’t know why
girls think that being a lonely person I would accept anyone. NO I WILL NOT. I will
accept only people I have feelings of. And no one else is welcome. Yes I can
consider people but they have to create a feeling inside me. And I don’t know
perhaps my heart is already filled with enough memories of my looked &
liked people or perhaps I have no heart at all. It’s all consumed by darkness. The
people who left me when my time was wrong has no right to be with me when my
time will turn to good. Perhaps I am suffering now to get a good time later. It’s
a fool’s hope I know and against my nature I am counting on it. I just don’t think
that some person will come into my life to make a heaven. Instead I know that
whoever will come, if comes, will make it a living hell.
Troubles in my life are not
leaving me. I am having multiple troubles in my body and umpteen in my mind. Maybe
they are affecting each other. Mostly my problems is my satisfaction level. Perhaps
I am a very hungry soul who starts to self-consume it. I am restless, Patience
less, person. What a hungry man does? He looks, then begs, and when loses his sanity
he then steals. I am going into the insanity I guess. But I don’t think I will
steal, instead I will kill. I will kill all the darkness in me and I will try
to be free again. Yes I want to fly.
And I WILL FLY..
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