A Drying Rose....
10:37 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
The precious feeling of love, to
love & sensing love is dying inside me like a drying rose which is losing
its fragrance and beauty of its way of dying. People might say that I am
getting stronger every day, leaving all those petty emotions behind but it is
the sign of being stronger of being destroyed internally? My soul is dying day
by day because all its want is love. Uncompromised and unconditional love. And it’s
not getting it. I am starving to feel the love once again. Yeah! I dont think confessing something in mind hurts. People usually dont confess because of their fake reputations. I think I should
again leave Facebook for some time as it is really have started to pissing me off. It's like a pressure valve in mind, whenever I log in to Facebook, the pressure starts to increase and then i hear that alarming sound which tells to stop. But the situation presently is that I have to recharge my wired internet
connection in the next month otherwise it would be disconnected. And if I get an unlimited
internet connection. No matter what the connection speed will be. I will always
be trying to get online.
It is a fact and a common
psychology that whenever I will be feeling alone I will come to here and then
it will start to bombing me with all those show-offs and blings which Facebook
can offer. The world is fake there. Everything is fake there from people’s face
to their intentions. People have become blind by it and became slave. I am out
of it and I can see that what it has done to the civic sense and society. It has
changed the meaning of friendship and relationships. It has made a joke of
this. Getting in and coming out of any relationship is so easy. It’s so easy to
be fake here and pretend as if you are someone else.
The first thing I will do is to
upgrading my laptop to Windows 8.1 then I will download some movies and some
games then if I may get time I will get some good tunes and some needed
magazines and books. I will be installing a medium speed connection by which I can
accomplish all those needs I had. I will be spending less time in Facebook and
more time in playing and finishing game. It is true that every stage of a game
gives me a purpose to live because I have to such things in my real life. Am I dependent
of cybernetics? Maybe. I don’t call myself a gamer anymore, that one inside me
died almost 4 years ago when I left gaming for my 1st love and when
she betrayed me I couldn’t dragged myself to gaming. I kept on saving games
after games in my hard disk and later I realised that I need a bigger hard disk
for that and I did bought a 2TB of hdd just for that and what I have
accomplished by that? Absolute nothing.
Everything is seeming to be
useless to me. My smartphone, all my social network accounts, tons of contacts,
my sim cards, sms pack, call pack, net pack, internet connections everything is
just f’king useless to me. Why I am doing all these. What I am getting except
the pain? I can’t bear this anymore. It’s not that I can’t leave all these but
then again what I will be having? Again a zero in my hand. It’s like I can’t
live with these and can’t live without of all these shits. I do have my studies
but I can’t concentrate in that. I know I am going to doom myself. And it’s not
that there is no way back but I need someone to bring me back. There is not
everything I can do alone. I am a self-made man. But this is it, I can’t go
alone like this. I need someone besides me. Someone with me, not for now, not
for some cause. But forever.
I think I should start reading
books again. In this online age of piracy many good books are available to
download and I can read them if I get some good links to start from. I am new
to English literature and really I don’t have a taste of good books here. I have
read a few books but I would really like to get the knowledge of judgment for
that I can know which is good and which is not like I have a good taste of
movies and games but perhaps it is because I am used to off them from a very
tender age. So experience matters which I don’t have in the field of good books
and I don’t get much time to make some. It is very true that as the days are
passing by I am losing my concentration & tolerance power along with my
patience. I am getting whimsical. I am becoming someone which I am sure that I don’t
want to be but maybe hatred is much greater affection than love. It makes you
what you hate the most.
So stop hating anything, it will ruin YOU ultimately...
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