God's Programming, Life's Output...
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I knew all the way long in my
heart that this blog was coming. I was crying deep down within to reach to the
unknown sphere of my deepest trench. This blog was the only way I could talk to
myself. Though its part weird but still my only power and maybe the only curse
is the information technology. Maybe it’s embossed within my DNA or maybe it
has become the reflexive action. The last time I checked into the blog I saw
many things, consciously or unconsciously. I had an encounter with Swamiji in
my dreams, though he taught me something awesome about this life body and soul.
He was a great teacher, he taught will examples, he made me cry in my dream and
after the dream I was a changed man a bit. The subject or content of the dreams
are very private to me but the teachings will reflect in my life. I would try
to ignite more deprived soul with the fire within me. I will bear the torch for
the people in the darkness, the ignorant souls and I will be a winner.
There is trouble going on inside
my beloved college. Well my college doesn’t have any world class
infrastructure, it doesn’t guarantee job, it takes money and its corrupt management
gulps it all down but still I love my college. Am I a part of management? Certainly
not. I hate them. Do I have loads of friends in college? Absolutely not. I am
all alone there. Do I have any beautiful memories there? No way. It’s a living
nightmare to me. Do I have an incredible class with full of supportive friends
and people ready to do anything on my command? No. am I an ideal Class representative?
Well go ask them, you will get the answer NO. Then? Is it the canteen? Do they
serve incredible food? Fuhh ! Are you joking? They serve shit and that’s too in
its coldest form. Is the library great full of knowledge and informations? Please!
I can’t even find a proper book there and the newspaper? Nopes, haven’t seen
its pages in my entire life. Then why I love my college? Its walls? Am I a
pervert who seeks for any lady teacher? Absolutely not. Why I clean the
blackboard every day with utmost care? Why I call the janitor to clean up class
well? Why I take care of the podium? Why I keep an inventory of chalks so that
no teacher would feel any problem or no students gets out of the class without
any needed information? Why I always gather data and information and keep a
group online so that everyone gets the information all the time anywhere? Why I
am maintaining a student’s database so that they can get job calls
effortlessly? Am I seriously a mad person? A freak out of his mind?
The answer is perhaps a bit more
complicated. Actually I have nothing in my life. A lonely man. That’s why I devoted
myself to my college and especially to my class. I spend hours looking in the
internet for some good informations because I don’t have anyone to chat to in Facebook.
I watch movies because I don’t have anyone to talk to. I play computer games
because my life is so mundane and thrill less. I read books, but unlike my
childhood, I like the patience now. I need to breathe. I know that but god took
my breath away. Unless he is giving me back how can I be well? Yes I believe in
the supreme energy but I also believe that in the disguise of his so called
tests he enjoys giving pain. He judges people and allocates the resource to
him. Like some operating system but operating systems do cause deadlocks and
starving isn’t it? For the success and fluid working of many processes, some
process have to starve, have to suffer the wound-wait or the wait-die. But that’s
all just practical programming isn’t it? You can’t help it as a programmer and
maybe neither the god also. Because at the end he is the divine programmer. And
maybe I am just the unlucky soul who is just getting starved. And I know I will
wait and die. Because I don’t hold the fool’s hope.
Recently I have been talking to
some people though they have absolutely no qualities to be my partner but I have
become too flexible for anything or any situation. I am ever ready now. Offer
me anything. Bring it on. Give me more pain. Because I will stand up again. My tolerance
power has grown up and I like to take up challenges, especially which involves
pain. Maybe I have become fan to pain. I have lost my only 2 of best friends
remaining to some other people. People in relationships suddenly becomes too
selfish and before they knew it, they loses everything they had with them so
far and the last thing they loses is their willpower. Because in the name of
devotion, they have sold their souls to someone they love. While the other person
enjoys the loyalty of a dog, they become looser. Anyways relationships are not
bad. It’s good. Everybody should have one. And everybody does have one. Either they
know about it or haven’t felt about it. And when they will feel the shock, it’s
the warmest thing they will ever be feeling in their heart. I know that, been
through many times and back. We all have some philosopher crawling inside our
skin, thriving to get out. Congrats! You have just met with mine.
Haven’t you? ;)
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