Thoughts in My Serenity - Part 3
10:13 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Though it’s a morning time and I
am not feeling waves in my mind though I am writing this post because I felt
that I need to write something. Today is my viva exam and presentation of my
project of my MBA. I am not very anxious about it but rather I’m anxious about
my life’s exam that I am going on through, on each day, on each moment. I am
getting tangled into a kind of relationship in which one part of my mind don’t
want to fall and another part of myself is pushing me towards. I am in a
peculiar dilemma. None is here to save me and I find no god taking avatar to
solve my problem maybe he is too confident on the part of god already inside
me. I am alone but I never was desperate so much. I sent new people, message in
Facebook but I never flirted with anyone. Finding a proper friend is not a bad
thing but due to the severe middle class Indian high phatic mentality, getting
a new message, written a mere “Hi” in it seems like a love proposal to many and
they call me desperate public but sensible people knows that it’s not the
truth. Poking is again not like killing someone, the Facebook illiterates
should know that poking function is there just to grab the attentions of
someone. There is nothing to freak out about it. If I wanted to get the girls,
I could have get the girl, I have enough money to get some, but I am not like
them. This is the main problem. I am not like them and that’s why I am an
outcast. Some people even think of me like an abomination. But it’s their
thinking, not mine, and I feel sorry for them. And I even forgive people and
this sometimes make me feel like some sort of messiah. Lol. Jokes apart, it’s a
part of my life which I always have to deal with. I forgive and hence I was
taken as granted by people.
Anyways, that’s not where my
sorrow lies. It’s about my own life. I rarely give any priority to my virtual
world because what are they apart from being some data bits on some random American
server? I mean really who are they? What are they? Do I know them? Touch them?
Feel them? The answer is NO and they come and go like the spike and surge on
the bandwidth. So I don’t really feel any reality with them. I have given
enough information about me to prove that I am real and people contact me with
their problem and I try to solve them and that’s it. There is no need of them
to peep into my life. People might think that I am a nosy person because when I
see someone in grief I want to know the cause and if by any chance they feel
safe to share they do it and after that they think that I forced them to tell
me their hidden truth which was not the case. People often forget that it’s
just because of their sorrow they shared it with me. I never forced, I can’t
force anyone to do with my will. People still got free will in this free country.
And I am not a hypnotist. Like one of my life’s love told me once “you show-off
that you care”. It’s the basic problem with the people, when they will get none
who cares they will complain about it and when they get any they will complain
again. Maybe its very truth that even god don’t understand properly what human
really wants and if that human is of female species then even god have to
google about it.
But then again some friends I got
from Facebook. They are good. Well at first they all seem good but later they
show their true colours. So I go many people and in the due process I love even
more. Now I don’t care about it anymore. My profile is like a motel. People
come, they stay and they leave without any trace or any promise of coming back
and I don’t keep any record of this either. But when I lose some people whom
promised me that they would never leave or backstab, and when they do it, it
really pains me a lot because after all I am an emotional person and no matter
how much I try to protect me behind an attitude firewall I will always have an
vulnerability of being a fool. It’s so easy to trap me, lie to me, betray me,
make a fool of me, keep me in darkness but as I believe on the truth, its comes
to me eventually, maybe at the cost of time but still it comes to me. And when
I get to know the truth I leave because where there is no truth, there is no
god, no life. “Satyam Shivam Sundaram” truth is beautiful and truth is god. I
will not say that god is great because he was never in my case but still I
believe in energy no matter in which form is it.
Pray for my exam, will you? Bye.
Have a nice day.
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