My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

Many days after I am writing in my blog I know there is no one in this whole world who wants to read in my blog but no problem that’s not gonna make me quit my blogging infact I took it as a challenge and everytime I want to improve more myself. I have kept a French cut and for serious public demand I considered cutting it down because people are complaining that I’m looking HORRIBLE in that. But considering my own views I haven’t looked that bad ,ya I needed some grooming at salon but the problem in I don’t have enough money. To talk about the money ,both of my Chinese mobile sets are Brocken, having some small nagging problems like switch off anytime, battery problem ,Bluetooth headset problem.

Since the last time not much have been changed. I’m same as I was. No improvement in my daily life. Same old frustrated overcapacited life. One big thing happened in these days that my friendship with Monideepa is over now. She does it silently I just made it official. Because I can live in complete dark but can’t live in ignorance. Well I’m not gonna judge her deeds as I am totally fed up with her topic it’s just the thing that her true nature gets exposed by this. Now I understood why most of the people in my class hate her. For her this attitude towards all. She just wanted a boyfriend from me I failed to deliver and that’s why she took off her friendship with me because now she has many boy-friends and she is now probably committed though she keep saying that she is single but her deeds shows some really confusing results. But this time I am not confused about my decision and I will not give myself any chance to doubt on it anytime.

As I already told that I am not satisfied by my study. I don’t know enough of my subjects. I cannot take it into my grip. Maybe I have reached my merit’s limit. This is it. I can’t do anything for it. Maths is a subject which I fear & hate as well. I am not good with maths and this is the only thing which can give me success but this is the only thing where I lacked much. Other things are just absurd with me. I thought that I am good with the subject OS and in the class test result I just failed. It’s unbelievable. The main problem is with my memory. I can’t recall things. No I am not giving any excuses or I am telling lie or just accusing anyone for my misdeeds. But it is my blind fate to endure all these. Don’t know what I have done bad. Whatever I did for good of others are boomeranged to me.

Just the example of my badluck, just bought 4 piece of chilly-chicken from a shop & they provided the rotten thing. It’s just frustration over these days. Friends are not supporting me, for an unknown cause they started to hate me some sort of, if this condition happens then I have to quit here because you can live with strangers but not friends like these. God forgot me. Saikat da too left me in this uncanny situation. I am not getting any survival strategies from him. I have no one to follow. I have no one to guide me. I need someone who can love me give me support and be good at me all time. I know I’m good at where and I know I deserve the best and good. I am not a person who just came with flood. I know I am now on my own and I will be on my own till death. I accepted that long ago.

My parents are not good to me. They are never good to me. They failed to understand me. Maybe I failed to satisfy them. Is there any problem? Because I thought that I have done enough for them but as everything has its own limit I also have mine. I can’t kill myself for sake of whom ,who don’t like me. for them my future is already lost. I am just in HELL and there is now way out from here. YES I am very much frustrated today. Because I am now on the tipping point.

Have to study more. So BYE BYE ….