My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

oh yes it is a Sunday. People call it fun day. I call it the dumbest day of my week.y? because Sunday i have nothing to do. Morning gets wasted totally by tuition. I maybe the dumbest smart person on the planet but surely I am too dumb to understand girls. Or maybe I understand them but not a particular one. Feeling like a couch potato right now.so much hard labour wasted.so much dreams vanished.so much wishes killed but for what? nothing? goes in vein?

Weeks have been passed. Students are prepared all over the west Bengal for their final test and here I am sitting in my room updating status and writing blogs. Sometimes I feel like shit. Really man I want to study hard but if I do I realize every time that I am already putting my best to it and I need to get a life. Mindless thing it is but I have no life. Loneliness is my only friend. My room is the only where I can be free, and I have only 1 person to tell all my thoughts, share all my laugh and cry no she is not my gf though I proposed her many times. Anyways she is more than a gf to me.is it very wrong to be addicted to her? I mean I am alone and I need someone. Anyone…

Its afternoon, normal people are enjoying the rest of the day and here I am sitting like a old person. Thinking about bizarre things. i am very possessive. This is a very bad thing for the person I like. They might feel choked. But I care for that and try not to be like that all time. I don’t know what am I thinking right now but it is for sure I need to tell something to someone and I can’t that’s why my brain is keep telling me to yell anything I want but I cant. Something is preventing me for doing it. All these and for heaven’s sake I cannot bear it anymore the duality in my nature is killing me from inside. i m torn apart. Does anyone care? No one cares for me.no one.

I don’t know is that a charm of mine or an dark aura which cloaks me from outside? Am I that invisible? Why no one sees me? I am 5 foot 10 and yet no one looks at me? I don’t think I am that bad looking? When I was small people used to tell me that who becomes the first on study will become everyone’s favourite but he did not told me that people would also jealous of him too. People will always want him to screw. Even the god himself is jealous of me. I know why because I am the god in living perhaps.

Is this is a dream and totally factious? Why I am not so normal? Or everyone else is acting abnormal? I don’t know. People maybe act normal and behind their mask they r more freaked out than me.

Some got love some r none.my pledge to girls is that please don’t hang on us guys. we are human too. Please have mercy on us too. ya I have to beg because world is now a days revolving around you guys. I have talked to many people. Some of them are men some of them are women and finally I understood that I have to beg. This is the new world order perhaps or the oldest one.

Yeah my new phone is working fine. But the nokia mail service isn’t. I didn’t found anything wrong in my phone. So finally, I think that their servers r screwed. I need a smps which would cost me 4100, a ups which again will cost me almost the same price of smps, a ram for 1500rs and my laptop’s battery is also crapped. i need that one too. and have to shell out 5000 or more total estimated cost of 15000.and I don’t have that much of money neither my family does and everything is very needed right now. i need to have some money too.to make my savings upto 1 lakh.that was my dream and one and only one dream that I m following to make it happen.and I know I will.i dnot have time I have only 1 year to make it happen.and I m very short on budget right now.has anyone ever noticed that why my blogs always contain exactly one page full of a MS word document ?? no one I bet.ha ha .its the way of ramen Mukherjee…

bye

hii.

today the world will again celebrate the festival of colours.there will be no sorrow left.no one will ever ask anyone for their permission to be happy.because they know its their right to be happy.but in between them have i lost my right to be happy with all?what's my guilt to pay for this much of a burdened price?for that there is no heaven or hell for me why i m so alone in this world?

i stayed silent all these time just to realize what's going on deep within and found that i m emptied to the core because what really matters to all is the face value,they don't bother to see the crust.many thing happened in this interval.nothing much unique plain old stories just playing again.not deja vu but not less than that also.everytime they refuse me for some cause spoken or unspoken ,realized or unrealized but this time there were no causes.its just NO.for no reasons at all.so i am not angry.i am just utterly curious.i was shocked because i could believed my senses.i thought for a second that i am hallucinating .

they say that if u love someone truly from the heart he / she can feel it.so its my fault that no one understand mine.because whole world cant be wrong all the time..my social life is well more or less good.private life was good.i was happy.i was very happy to get someone very special.until yesterday my dream broke.maybe this is for good also.

every time i think of something ,some forces make that reversed.i have no one.surely this can be touted as a joke.but i m not joking.actually what i realized that there is no place for an exception in this world.world is not a very cruel place but the people who r living in this.we make things complicated we r the one to be blamed of.so i don't have any hard feeling for her.i forgive her.i forgive them all in this very auspicious day.because they all cant be wrong.and they all made me realize that i have some faults.well it would be very kind of them if they also told me what was it exactly.anyways i am a lonely traveller in un unknown voyage, to know myself.my conception of me doesn't hold long for me.i have to know the truth.i have to discover myself.

enough of all this mess.i tried to living for others ,i tried to ,to live for me and again i failed.then for what i will live for?i know there is use for almost everything is this world but where i have spent the 1/4th of my life uselessly i am unable to figure out the use of someone like me.they also say that there is someone for everyone then where is she whom i need the most now.i doubt the very existence of her.

it is all about the realization of feeling.respecting it.count on it.love is bird.which always tries to fly away from you but its the strength of your understanding to each other which acts as a robe to imprison that bird.i know no one is happy in this world.and so am i also.i tried to catch that bird so many times yet i failed all the time.once she came to me also but i couldnt keep her with me all the time.circumstances came and i reacted.there is no good or bad.no sign of guilt.so i forgave them all.no regrets.as there is only person.HAVES & HAVE NOTs.and i belong to the second one.

happy holi to u guys …

bye