My Digitized Thoughts - Ramen Mukherjee ...

Well, I am writing from my tablet using blogger official app so prepare to get some grammer, spelling, typing, indentation and other such errors in this post. I will try to minimize but you all know how the mobile writing is. Though it has 7" of real estate space but still it feels crampy. Are you here to see the little hard truth? Well forat of all i have to tell you all that it will be small to you not me and its not hard to you either but to me. Then why i am sharing? No cause here. I write in my blog whenever i feel like. Its not because of anyone but maybe because of some causes. Good bad alike.

Maybe this post is my last post from my tablet as i am about to sell it. Thinking about buying a second hand iPhone 5s. Yes dear Americans, most of Indians can only buy second hand Apple stuffs. Its not like your movies where you all use apple all the time. I want to end the whole digital version of me. I am going to do it soon. I am just waiting for the right time. I was in the net before my digital avatar and i am again feeling the need to go incognito. And i am prepared for this.

Why? Because i have seen the world enough. Its not auitable for me but for the other me. I am good at myself. Others are just morons. There will be no harm to anyone nor anyone is going to shed ter
Ars fpr me and even if someone does cry me a river i dont care about it. No one is for anyone. Everyone is on their own. No one kills, no one dies. Its all just a part of a big choreographed drama. We are just the the players with expiration dates. Waiting for the curtain call.

I admire women. I respect them because they are far superior beings. Superior in every way of breaking hearts and bending rules. Superior in manipulation. They can make you do anything for them. They can make you dance in their tunes wheather you like it or not and wr have to dance because we dont have any other way. And after you complete your part they are so hearlessly remoursless that they can shed you out like a yellow leaf. I have been manipulated many times and in the end i was the one who always gets all the blame where the main culprits gets away with clean collers. So you see there is no way to not to respect them. Sooner of later you have to follow their commands conciously or the other way around. They will get whatever they want. And you call me misogynist. Unless someone have any first hand experience how can they understand it? They cant be anyone's friends, like feline species they are selfish. I find it disgusting to not have people who want equality. Everyone is chauvinist. And thats ridiculous.

Yesterday I lost much of data. 4 games become all corrupted. It was one of the very frustrating day of my life. I wasted my full day yet i got only corrupted downloads. The main reason behing this is the problem with my laptop, os, download manager, antivirus, one fellow who was downloading junk eating up my bandwidth, the server from which i am downloading was giving timeout errors. Data parts were becoming corrupted constantly. Laptop was hanging. Antivirus was eating all the memory and download manager keeps on rebuilding old parts so my hdd was also busy so none of the downloads took place in between giving the other person in the room hogging up all the bandwidths. Even the totrent client stopped working because of this disk cache overflow problem.

I summed up all of this as my bad luck because there was no reason to happen all of these. That person always dpwnloads with me in a same high speed wifi connection in college. I never felt problem with him. I am using the most latest of hardware and softwares. All are updated and original. There was no chance that all of these could go wrong. Even it rained all through yesterday so there should be no heating or dust problem. And as i was in the building so far from the window that moisture can come up in my laptop causing problem. And i am not doing these downloading forst time. I was doing these over the month.

Even when i went to market to put a screen guard in my tab there happened a problem with it, even all of my strict supervisions, i dont know how, a particle of dust entered inside the lamination film, and its now looking very odd. My 80rs got wasted. Then i went to each puri sabji, the famius of the market, and i burnt my mouth and tongue. I stopped eating there. Then i went to eat veg chow, again my trusted shop, as i was in empty stomach from morning, i was madly hungry, there i saw a huge crowd, all lined up to have some chow. I waited there and when finally i got mine, the chilly sauce again pained in my already burn inside of mouth. I was so disgusted yesterday.

My best friend, who is still in lots of problems, both mental and physical got again wet in this unexpected huge monsoon. Caught up in the middle of her work, she got wet and i know what happens next, she will suffer from cough cold and fever like always along with a sprained heel. Feeling sorry for her. She was too caught up with my bad luck. I know i am an unlucky charm in my close one's lives.

I am writing this post from my tab using blogger app. This was the most important app i searched in my previous windpws phone but i didnt found any app worthy to use but this app for android made by google is good. Lets hope this will help me to publish more blohs in the future though it has very less formatting tool so i dont know how it will look once posted. Also as i am not using ms word here so you will see lots of spelling error, i guess and as i always mainted a "one page" formula for my posting so that the posts will never get too long, but here i am unable to do so.

But i guess new should always be tried. Isnt it? :)

oh yes it is a Sunday. People call it fun day. I call it the dumbest day of my week.y? because Sunday i have nothing to do. Morning gets wasted totally by tuition. I maybe the dumbest smart person on the planet but surely I am too dumb to understand girls. Or maybe I understand them but not a particular one. Feeling like a couch potato right now.so much hard labour wasted.so much dreams vanished.so much wishes killed but for what? nothing? goes in vein?

Weeks have been passed. Students are prepared all over the west Bengal for their final test and here I am sitting in my room updating status and writing blogs. Sometimes I feel like shit. Really man I want to study hard but if I do I realize every time that I am already putting my best to it and I need to get a life. Mindless thing it is but I have no life. Loneliness is my only friend. My room is the only where I can be free, and I have only 1 person to tell all my thoughts, share all my laugh and cry no she is not my gf though I proposed her many times. Anyways she is more than a gf to me.is it very wrong to be addicted to her? I mean I am alone and I need someone. Anyone…

Its afternoon, normal people are enjoying the rest of the day and here I am sitting like a old person. Thinking about bizarre things. i am very possessive. This is a very bad thing for the person I like. They might feel choked. But I care for that and try not to be like that all time. I don’t know what am I thinking right now but it is for sure I need to tell something to someone and I can’t that’s why my brain is keep telling me to yell anything I want but I cant. Something is preventing me for doing it. All these and for heaven’s sake I cannot bear it anymore the duality in my nature is killing me from inside. i m torn apart. Does anyone care? No one cares for me.no one.

I don’t know is that a charm of mine or an dark aura which cloaks me from outside? Am I that invisible? Why no one sees me? I am 5 foot 10 and yet no one looks at me? I don’t think I am that bad looking? When I was small people used to tell me that who becomes the first on study will become everyone’s favourite but he did not told me that people would also jealous of him too. People will always want him to screw. Even the god himself is jealous of me. I know why because I am the god in living perhaps.

Is this is a dream and totally factious? Why I am not so normal? Or everyone else is acting abnormal? I don’t know. People maybe act normal and behind their mask they r more freaked out than me.

Some got love some r none.my pledge to girls is that please don’t hang on us guys. we are human too. Please have mercy on us too. ya I have to beg because world is now a days revolving around you guys. I have talked to many people. Some of them are men some of them are women and finally I understood that I have to beg. This is the new world order perhaps or the oldest one.

Yeah my new phone is working fine. But the nokia mail service isn’t. I didn’t found anything wrong in my phone. So finally, I think that their servers r screwed. I need a smps which would cost me 4100, a ups which again will cost me almost the same price of smps, a ram for 1500rs and my laptop’s battery is also crapped. i need that one too. and have to shell out 5000 or more total estimated cost of 15000.and I don’t have that much of money neither my family does and everything is very needed right now. i need to have some money too.to make my savings upto 1 lakh.that was my dream and one and only one dream that I m following to make it happen.and I know I will.i dnot have time I have only 1 year to make it happen.and I m very short on budget right now.has anyone ever noticed that why my blogs always contain exactly one page full of a MS word document ?? no one I bet.ha ha .its the way of ramen Mukherjee…

bye

hii.

today the world will again celebrate the festival of colours.there will be no sorrow left.no one will ever ask anyone for their permission to be happy.because they know its their right to be happy.but in between them have i lost my right to be happy with all?what's my guilt to pay for this much of a burdened price?for that there is no heaven or hell for me why i m so alone in this world?

i stayed silent all these time just to realize what's going on deep within and found that i m emptied to the core because what really matters to all is the face value,they don't bother to see the crust.many thing happened in this interval.nothing much unique plain old stories just playing again.not deja vu but not less than that also.everytime they refuse me for some cause spoken or unspoken ,realized or unrealized but this time there were no causes.its just NO.for no reasons at all.so i am not angry.i am just utterly curious.i was shocked because i could believed my senses.i thought for a second that i am hallucinating .

they say that if u love someone truly from the heart he / she can feel it.so its my fault that no one understand mine.because whole world cant be wrong all the time..my social life is well more or less good.private life was good.i was happy.i was very happy to get someone very special.until yesterday my dream broke.maybe this is for good also.

every time i think of something ,some forces make that reversed.i have no one.surely this can be touted as a joke.but i m not joking.actually what i realized that there is no place for an exception in this world.world is not a very cruel place but the people who r living in this.we make things complicated we r the one to be blamed of.so i don't have any hard feeling for her.i forgive her.i forgive them all in this very auspicious day.because they all cant be wrong.and they all made me realize that i have some faults.well it would be very kind of them if they also told me what was it exactly.anyways i am a lonely traveller in un unknown voyage, to know myself.my conception of me doesn't hold long for me.i have to know the truth.i have to discover myself.

enough of all this mess.i tried to living for others ,i tried to ,to live for me and again i failed.then for what i will live for?i know there is use for almost everything is this world but where i have spent the 1/4th of my life uselessly i am unable to figure out the use of someone like me.they also say that there is someone for everyone then where is she whom i need the most now.i doubt the very existence of her.

it is all about the realization of feeling.respecting it.count on it.love is bird.which always tries to fly away from you but its the strength of your understanding to each other which acts as a robe to imprison that bird.i know no one is happy in this world.and so am i also.i tried to catch that bird so many times yet i failed all the time.once she came to me also but i couldnt keep her with me all the time.circumstances came and i reacted.there is no good or bad.no sign of guilt.so i forgave them all.no regrets.as there is only person.HAVES & HAVE NOTs.and i belong to the second one.

happy holi to u guys …

bye

hiii all,

its a long time since i talked to her ... i thought her as my frnd and later thought her as my perfect comapanion bt found that like all other girls she is also fond of all flashy things which i dnt possess so i cant propose her because i wanted to stand in my own foots first ,and she is now happily sommouted to a guy whose name i cant disclose here.....u know guys i m very happy..very very happy....i m chatting with her dearest friend right now.

i m nt getting more frnd reuqests and also testimonials....i wanted to hav some testimonials writen upon me nt on some other things or jokes..bt no one writes a testimonial on me.i guess i m nt any enignatic character ..even i hav to pursue my brother to write me a testimonial.people are copying my about me and becoming famous.ha ha ha.i feel pitty on them who cant write a standard about me in orkut.i became so busy in my studies that i cant continue my online social life..bt my friends r scrapping me and i thank them all for it...

after my first love broke up i became so lonely that i thought that the whole world become suddenly dark infront of me.since then i m finding my partner cause i feel hollow inside me.this hollowness was nt there when i havnt falled in love.i was a satisfied boy with no idea of love and all other disasters it convay.i was a geek gamer [i m still the greatest geek of town BTW].i play i study i watch movie and again i play games.now as life has become so much complicated suddenly after my HS i feel alone and since then many girls have proposed me i refused them cause i dnt get the feeling of love to them they can be frnds only..and some of the girld r nt good either and good means theyr mentality nt external beauty as external beauty has very small effect on me...bt yes i watch girls as my hormones are working fine bt nt with lust.ha ha ha ha

bye

Technorati : personal

Del.icio.us : personal

Zooomr : personal

Flickr : personal