Juggling between lives..
8:32 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Today again, I felt very
alone. Its like being totally lonely. I called many of my friends; none of them
was available today. Today is a good day for marriage; many people are invited
to many marriage parties. Maybe my friends were also having parties but suddenly
all of them? Doesn't it sounds
fishy? I smell conspiracy, THE GOD’s conspiracy. Maybe he wants me to be alone.
Even my newly made GF cut all the calls I have made to her throughout the day.
My best friends is also at a party and she don’t have enough time to talk to me
and its completely natural and ok to me. I am used to of it. She don’t have any
fault about it. Its just my goddamned luck. And I am happy about it because it
is going as it should be.
Officially, it’s a new day
now. But I can't sense anything bright shiny and filled with ‘everything
happy’, its same old moronic life to me once again. Brought to me by my dear
god. Its his gifts which overwhelms me. well, most of the times. And slowly he
is becoming so predictable to me.
Just a couple of hours ago
I was munching on my special egg-roll, then I watched a new movie on my laptop
which I was collected from my friend. Slowly I started to think that how much I
am dependent on internet. No, I am not talking about Facebook addiction and along
with that I am talking about Facebook. Yes, I am indeed. The thing is Facebook
addiction comes from extreme loneliness, as per I realized, the technology may
have enabled us becoming always connected but in reality we have gone farther
from each other. We feel free in facebook, be it talking to chatting to someone
or wishing someone of their anniversary or birthday. Sharing files is easy.
Sharing pictures is easy. In a way sharing life and life’s memory is just a
kid’s job there.
But I am talking about other
things like emails and file syncing. Being updated is more important than being
available because a person can also be available always through his mobile
phone. Oh! Talking about phone, I was wondering about buying a latest low cost
high end phone made by some new Chinese company available in my local shop. It
has all the goodies which can lure any gadget freak like me. But just sometimes
ago I was questioning myself. DO I REALLY NEED IT? It’s not that it’s going to
cost me a fortune that’s why I am asking myself or rather I can say that I was
negotiating with myself. NO it is not. But the fact is I was asking myself that
does it really matter to have gigahertz of numerous core power or a giant life
like display or all other smoking hot goodies IF I don't have any working
internet?
Internet. Yes again
internet. I have my whole world in there. Friends, files, work, contacts.
Everything. I wonder what will happen if someday there won’t be any internet.
What will I do? Where will I go? How I can be in touch with my friends, well
those non existed friends? Those virtual friends who pretends to be the dearest
while the green dot besides my name is on and forget me as soon as it turns
grey. Is it my life? Am I dead now? Because I am offline now. I saw people, studied
their psychology, they really take you for granted and think that the grey dot
besides your name is your death certificate.
NO, I don’t need that
fancy new mobile phone. NO I don’t need internet for movie songs and movies. I
don’t need internet for all my files saved on web. They are useless anyways.
All those online storage places I created are not very much needed to me.
everything seems so disconnected now. Maybe I am addicted, that’s why I need
rehab. And this hard thing can only be done by me and this time I think I
should not pay heed to any internet offer or any bonanza and discounts. Because
it really feels like some digital fortress. I have become prisoner of my own
walls. My life became so much pathetic now. All of my restlessness came from here.
I can sense it. All my needs have changed into my wants and it is ever-growing
since I step a foot here. Yes SNS can be blamed but shouldn't I be blaming
myself now? What have I achieved by doing this? NOTHING, not even some stable
friends. My friend list changes like Sensex.
But it is also equally
true that I am really alone in this entire world and I am not any monk to
accept it in this age. It feels terrible and those who say I FEEL is absolutely
bullshitting because they are not even in my socks how can they be in my shoes?
I have no to care, yet I want to take care, at least for something, or SOMEONE.
But I am alone. I have no one (in reality) to take care and no one takes care
of me. some pretends other ignores. And some….. TELL LIES…
I don't know but the
grammar checker of office 2013 seems terrible to me. well again its only MY
DIGITIZED THOUGHTS…
bye
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